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dancinwookie

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dancinwookie
  • Town/Country : You'd wanna be, Everywhere
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 February 1984 (30 years)
  • Number of visits : 4404
  • Number of comments : 241
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.

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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs

Today, my daughter in law sent me another romantic text that was meant for her husband. Not only can't she spell for shit, the clichés she uses are horrifyingly embarrassing. The fact this keeps happening makes me want to slam her head in the oven. FML

#18229715
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24027) - you deserved it (3802)

On 11/12/2011 at 4:42pm - misc - by Username - United States

Today, my girlfriend agreed to doing it doggy style. During it all, I pulled on her hair. I guess I pulled too hard, because when I let go, her face smacked straight into the bedside table. FML

#18220908
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11538) - you deserved it (39190)

On 11/11/2011 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by Henry - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my boyfriend of five years was in a bad car crash, and ended up with a concussion. He didn't remember me. At all. But he remembered his other girlfriend he had cheated on me with for two months. FML

#18210187
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you deserved it (3343)

On 11/10/2011 at 1:22pm - love - by Nicoli - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad was putting seasoning salt into his mashed potatoes, when the lid came off and poured a ton of salt into the pot. My parents hate wasting food, so we still had to eat it. I think my taste buds are broken. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. My mum walked in and told him to pull out and show her that he was wearing a condom, and not just saying he was. FML

#18200253
256 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48694) - you deserved it (6226)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:55am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML

#18200183
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26417) - you deserved it (11438)

On 11/09/2011 at 7:27am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35906) - you deserved it (3595)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I found out my soon to be ex-husband is going to be a father. We spent our entire marriage unsuccessfully trying for a baby. The mother of his unborn child isn't his new girlfriend, but someone else he was cheating on her with. Our divorce isn't even finalized yet. FML

#18184829
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31541) - you deserved it (2613)

On 11/07/2011 at 3:48pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

#18182863
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27046) - you deserved it (3355)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:24am - work - by Dlord357 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22316) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was bitched out by my 17 year old son's teacher. It seems the idiot teacher made the kids advocate for his own political beliefs in a presentation, and my son ended his speech saying, "And it remains my opinion that our instructor is cramping my motherfucking style." Instant suspension. FML

#18095977
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22316) - you deserved it (4415)

On 10/28/2011 at 11:52am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I think my dad has finally lost his shit and is having a mid-life crisis. He showed up at my school and had me brought to the front desk. He told me to get in the car because we were going to have some "father-daughter bonding". This meant us watching Silent Hill with his work buddies. FML

#18095179
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20277) - you deserved it (2014)

On 10/28/2011 at 7:50am - misc - by -__- - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my dad walked in on me and my girlfriend having sex. His only reaction was to mutter, "Put some back into it, son." before awkwardly sidling out. FML

#18087484
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30514) - you deserved it (7695)

On 10/27/2011 at 8:22am - intimacy - by ifeeldirty (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it's the third day of my dad's revenge after he snapped over me supposedly using the word "duh" in every other sentence. He got his hands on my old recorder and has been playing it loudly and out of tune outside my room when I try to do my homework. My mom thinks this is hilarious. FML

#18083556
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15040) - you deserved it (10650)

On 10/26/2011 at 8:24pm - misc - by krystal (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27723) - you deserved it (2913)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States



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