About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.
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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/17/2011 at 2:47am / Miscellaneous
Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML
by DocBastard / 12/16/2011 at 9:29pm / United States / Kids
by Username / 12/15/2011 at 1:57am / United States (California) / Work
by Mariah Heimann / 12/14/2011 at 10:34pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, after my roommate decided to become a vegetarian, her new food choices are making her pass deadly, nauseating gas all night. We have a busted window that won't open. I'm afraid I may not live to see tomorrow morning. FML
by pinkleopleurodon / 12/09/2011 at 7:23am / United States / Miscellaneous
by blondie101 / 12/09/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
by lebato97 / 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm / United States / Love
Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2011 at 9:16pm / United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset) / Miscellaneous
by unknown52 / 12/01/2011 at 9:02pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health
by pops up / 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by preggers / 11/30/2011 at 9:57am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by no low five / 11/30/2011 at 6:17am / United States / Love
by robincakes94 / 11/29/2011 at 7:42am / United States / Work
by kait / 11/29/2011 at 12:34am / United States (New York) / Work
- Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to… Today, I found my daughters hiding spot. Yeah there was dolls, matchbox cars and coloring markers.… Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken,…
- Today, I came back from the hospital after back surgery which required putting screws in my spine.… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me… Today, a young woman on the subway asked me to hold her pocket mirror open in front of her. I asked…