dancinwookie

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Offline (the 05/09/2015 at 1:32am)

dancinwookie

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 February 1984 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 16063
  • Number of comments : 246
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.

dancinwookie's page activity

Visits<b>Spudnik</b> - the 09/27/2016 at 6:48pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 08/23/2016 at 11:05pm<b>Raelthelamb</b> - the 06/20/2016 at 1:48pm<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 9:38am<b>Frowny</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 10:37pm<b>Incroyalzz</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 3:36pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 2:03pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 6:40pm<b>Cezll</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 3:24pm<b>skyironsword</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 12:37pm<b>iluvmonkeys</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 11:06pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 9:58am<b>WelshLeachy</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 5:57am<b>pete9913</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 9:55am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 2:47am<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:17pm<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 12:57pm<b>sky413</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 12:26am

Fucked!<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 6:17pm<b>bugmenotmofo</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 5:03pm<b>fakedsincerity</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 1:52am<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 2:48am<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 1:42am

dancinwookie's FML badges

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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs

Today, my eight-year-old son thought that if he swallowed soap, his farts would smell like soap. The smell of vomit and diarrhea now permeating my house is proof of how wrong he was. FML

by Anonymous / 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Kids

Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML

by recmonty / 05/16/2012 at 11:53pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML

by LearnToLive / 05/15/2012 at 11:59am / Holidays

Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML

by brannonjames / 05/10/2012 at 6:20pm / United States / Love

Today, I had to get a prostate exam. Right before the doctor started, he told me that if I found it awkward at all, I should just imagine I was being probed by aliens. FML

by Jesse / 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm / United States (Washington) / Health

Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned why the phrase "seafood taco salad" terrifies everyone in the school's cafeteria. What happened to me after eating it made Saw III look like a Disney movie. FML

by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health

Today, my boyfriend went down on me with whiskey in his mouth. It felt like my genitals were on fire. FML

by anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 12:46am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML

by PUA / 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend revealed to me that she has primeisodophobia. What is primeisodophobia, you may ask? Well, it's the fear of losing your virginity. FML

by virginkiller / 03/03/2012 at 8:23am / Singapore / Intimacy

Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML

by Carpet cleaner / 02/20/2012 at 9:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML

by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health

Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML

by Alyssa / 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was going to the bathroom, my engagement ring fell off into the toilet, which then automatically flushed. FML

by joy / 02/07/2012 at 12:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous