About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.
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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/25/2012 at 8:15pm / United States / Kids
Today, in a training class, I got to see a picture of what can happen when a man does not wear a safety harness correctly. For those of you who are unaware, male body parts are easily severed by loose straps. I cannot un-see that picture. It wasn't even a harness safety class. FML
by recmonty / 05/16/2012 at 11:53pm / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm on a trip to Poland with some friends. We came to experience the country's culture, and to challenge our preconceptions about this part of Europe. We had sat on a bench, and not ten seconds later, a stranger approached and asked, "How much for your friend?" FML
by LearnToLive / 05/15/2012 at 11:59am / Holidays
Today, I was getting coffee with my aunt, and she asked me to pay. She then turned to the Barista and said, "He's never had a girlfriend before, and I wanted to show him that they take your money." The Barista laughed so hard she had to excuse herself. FML
by brannonjames / 05/10/2012 at 6:20pm / United States / Love
by Jesse / 05/10/2012 at 5:22pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by Anonymous / 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
by Mandy / 03/26/2012 at 6:21pm / United States / Health
by anonymous / 03/22/2012 at 12:46am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I met my girlfriend's parents. Her huge, ex-Marine father took me out back, saying he wanted to show me something. That something was a machete. He savagely buried it in a tree stump and said, "Son, if you break my daughter's heart, that'll be your dick." FML
by PUA / 03/14/2012 at 9:06pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy
by virginkiller / 03/03/2012 at 8:23am / Singapore / Intimacy
Today, my husband came home late from drinking with his buddies, only to toss and turn and keep me up for an hour. He then sat up and didn't move for a few minutes. I sat up to see what was wrong, only to see him pissing on the carpet beside our bed. FML
by Carpet cleaner / 02/20/2012 at 9:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my family started their own version of the Hunger Games. With farts as their ammo, they've been tackling and gassing everyone until their victim "dies" by surrendering. My house is a flatulent war zone, and I fear waking up blind. FML
by district12 / 02/18/2012 at 5:22pm / United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire) / Health
Today, my parents were out, so I lit up my first ever joint. I got so stoned out of my mind that when my dad came back home and asked what the smell was, I said a stray cat had left an upper-decker in the toilet. He found the joint in my room, and now I'm grounded for the rest of the school year. FML
by Alyssa / 02/12/2012 at 7:01pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by joy / 02/07/2012 at 12:49pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, a week after dropping my car off for the third time in a month at the dealership because of…