dancinwookie

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Offline (the 05/09/2015 at 1:32am)

dancinwookie

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 February 1984 (32 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 12922
  • Number of comments : 246
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.

dancinwookie's page activity

Visits<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 05/10/2016 at 9:38am<b>Frowny</b> - the 03/16/2016 at 10:37pm<b>Incroyalzz</b> - the 02/06/2016 at 3:36pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 01/24/2016 at 2:03pm<b>panromantic</b> - the 12/22/2015 at 6:40pm<b>Cezll</b> - the 12/17/2015 at 3:24pm<b>fantasyworld</b> - the 11/21/2015 at 1:12pm<b>skyironsword</b> - the 10/04/2015 at 12:37pm<b>iluvmonkeys</b> - the 09/04/2015 at 11:06pm<b>buckstop1</b> - the 08/20/2015 at 9:58am<b>WelshLeachy</b> - the 08/01/2015 at 5:57am<b>pete9913</b> - the 07/05/2015 at 9:55am<b>xivoricbutterfly</b> - the 06/19/2015 at 2:47am<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 12:17pm<b>CreepinCow</b> - the 05/27/2015 at 12:57pm<b>sky413</b> - the 05/14/2015 at 12:26am<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 2:57pm<b>UkeSenpai</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 3:34am

Fucked!<b>kittykat1501</b> - the 06/12/2015 at 6:17pm<b>bugmenotmofo</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 5:03pm<b>fakedsincerity</b> - the 05/10/2015 at 1:52am<b>hippodankamus</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 2:48am<b>weveallbeenthere</b> - the 05/09/2015 at 1:42am

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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was refused employment at a liquor store. Their reason? I'm a regular customer and they're afraid I'll drink all their profits. FML

by Anonymous / 09/06/2012 at 8:49pm / United States (Colorado) / Work

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

by Sarah / 08/30/2012 at 8:58am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I found out that I'm not actually allergic to chocolate, when my mom freely admitted to me that she made it up when I was a child because she didn't want to share any cookies with me. FML

by Sarah / 08/30/2012 at 8:58am / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I had to force myself to take a dump at school, even though I have severe restroom anxiety and shyness. I had finally relaxed enough to go when the tornado drills went off mid-dump, and 46 students and teachers packed into the bathroom with me. FML

by DamnTornadoAlley / 08/30/2012 at 1:55am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

by gotta love my momma / 08/28/2012 at 1:08am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, I turned on the TV just in time to see my picture on the news. I have no idea what they said about me. FML

by masterman / 08/27/2012 at 2:45am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into an argument with my girlfriend over how many sides a triangle has. I actually ended up drawing her a diagram. FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2012 at 1:51am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was riding my bike, my foot slipped and I did a slow speed-tumble over the top, ripping my balls wide open. Number of stitches: too many to count. Size of balls: softball. Color: blue. FML

by Anonymous / 08/18/2012 at 1:15am / United States / Health

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

by yeah okay then / 08/03/2012 at 7:50pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, after waking up, I went into the kitchen and took a swig of milk from the carton. I overestimated my strength, and the whole thing splashed all over my face. A few moments later, my dad staggered in, looked at me in disgust, and said, "You know what? I don't even wanna know." FML

by squeltorey / 08/03/2012 at 3:28pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

by Anonymous / 08/03/2012 at 4:21am / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

by danonno / 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, due to my boyfriend teasing me about me possibly having been conceived on a beach because I was born in Hawaii, I finally asked my mom if I really was. She said no, but then told me in detail how much sex on a beach hurts when you get sand up your ass. FML

by skyplaysguitar / 07/30/2012 at 1:56am / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I was using a penis pump for the first time. It was awesome until it sucked my left testicle into the tube. I'll be singing soprano for a while now. FML

by tuggernuts / 07/17/2012 at 11:32am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I came home in tears after my boyfriend admitted to cheating on me. My dad told me to sit down and tell him everything. He's pretty eccentric, so I wasn't fazed when he put on a pair of sunglasses. When I stopped talking, I noticed his mouth was slightly agape and he was snoring. FML

by heartbroken / 07/13/2012 at 9:41pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love