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dancinwookie

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dancinwookie
  • Town/Country : You'd wanna be, Everywhere
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 1 February 1984 (30 years)
  • Number of visits : 4446
  • Number of comments : 241
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About dancinwookie : I'm a walking non-sequitur. I try to spread sunshine, so, please, don't piss on my parade. You can message me, but it might take me a little bit to respond. I love rainbows more than I can verbally express. Sometimes I give just the absolute worst advice on here, because the outcome that is playing in my head is beyond ridiculously funny. My humor is imagination based.

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dancinwookie's favorite FMLs

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

#20537010
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16534) - you deserved it (53584)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:50pm - intimacy - by je_regrette_tout (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I received several texts congratulating me on my pregnancy. It turns out that my husband announced he is going to be a father on Facebook, which I don't use. I'm not pregnant. FML

#20536715
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37994) - you deserved it (2383)

On 03/09/2013 at 5:35am - love - by Quiteannoyed (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, while having sex with my husband, he went soft. When I asked him what happened he said, "I'm about to fall asleep." He then plopped down on my chest and began to snore. FML

#20536683
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38497) - you deserved it (5169)

On 03/09/2013 at 3:56am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

#20536627
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35870) - you deserved it (2748)

On 03/09/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26621) - you deserved it (6139)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

#20532334
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40883) - you deserved it (3394)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm - love - by Alexandra - United States (Maryland)

Today, while working, I thought, "I wish my kittens could text so I can talk to them throughout the day." And then I realized, I'm that cat lady you read about. FML

#20532138
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27360) - you deserved it (10982)

On 03/05/2013 at 11:13am - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Vermont)

Today, I went to my daughter's room with clean laundry. I found her lying on her bed with a hand down her pants, totally zoned out and staring blankly at the Justin Bieber poster on her wall. FML

#20529387
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41606) - you deserved it (6437)

On 03/03/2013 at 12:03pm - misc - by parental failure (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my mom that I heard something, and I think we have rats in the attic and should hire an exterminator. She looked at me and said, "Rats, huh? That's what the mom in The Exorcist thought, but it turned out to be the devil living up there." FML

#20528775
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28956) - you deserved it (2997)

On 03/02/2013 at 11:18pm - misc - by jkbeynon - United States (California)

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31279) - you deserved it (6269)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I had to sneak out of work early to pick my 14-year-old son up from school. He and a friend had been found covered in Astroglide, racing each other down the corridor on their bellies. My boss noticed my absence from work, and now my son and I are both on suspension. FML

#20526049
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25857) - you deserved it (8495)

On 02/28/2013 at 7:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I managed to score a date for the first time in over a year, and was very nervous. When I was asked what I do for a living, I laughed nervously, and then blurted out, "Finger women." What I was trying to jokingly say was that I'm a gynecologist. FML

#20525332
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14930) - you deserved it (32531)

On 02/28/2013 at 2:57am - love - by notapervert - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my mom has linked my iPhone with her iPad and has been secretly reading my texts. FML

#20524792
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30806) - you deserved it (3327)

On 02/27/2013 at 7:27pm - misc - by segal1010 - United States (Maryland)

Today, my 20-year-old daughter staggered into my room at two in the morning, drunker than I ever thought a person could be, screaming for me to make pancakes for her. FML

#20524572
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29409) - you deserved it (6489)

On 02/27/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Ugh (woman) - United Kingdom



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