Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

daliagrande

Offline (the 08/16/2015 at 6:18am) | Search for a member

daliagrande

5Fucked!

daliagrande
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 924
  • Number of comments : 28
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 6 posted

About daliagrande : My name is Dalia. Born and raised in New York. I'm a jazz singer. I think that's enough for now.

daliagrande's page activity

Visits<b>trenee1032</b> - the 08/21/2015 at 9:48pm<b>michaelm1290</b> - the 07/08/2015 at 10:09pm<b>obeykaitlyn</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 2:20pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 06/27/2015 at 4:35pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 06/10/2015 at 5:53pm<b>Ethan_Anonymous</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 2:29pm<b>Amateur_Dank</b> - the 05/24/2015 at 1:49am<b>jelly_bennett</b> - the 05/05/2015 at 2:05am<b>Leafa</b> - the 05/03/2015 at 11:50am<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 1:30am<b>rushabh97</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 5:49am<b>ZelmaSlayer</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 10:40am<b>MrFloooo</b> - the 03/25/2015 at 10:36am<b>beaglegal</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 8:02pm<b>AlexRice</b> - the 03/18/2015 at 6:26pm<b>ihartmytdi</b> - the 02/19/2015 at 9:16am<b>swmmrrnr</b> - the 02/02/2015 at 10:22am<b>jbcy</b> - the 01/28/2015 at 10:09pm

Fucked!<b>Ethan_Anonymous</b> - the 05/26/2015 at 8:29pm<b>_kyleG_</b> - the 04/15/2015 at 7:30am<b>c_wyld</b> - the 12/29/2014 at 7:47pm<b>HeRoxKicks</b> - the 11/09/2014 at 4:44pm<b>appleflipp</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 8:24am

daliagrande's FML badges

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

See all of daliagrande's badges

daliagrande's favorite FMLs

Today, I made a speech in front of my entire graduating class and their families, despite my fear of public speaking. It seemed to go well and I got a big round of applause at the end. Then I panicked and instead of waving, I lifted my arm straight out in a Hitler salute. FML

#21379710
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34062) - you deserved it (6992)

On 03/22/2015 at 8:32pm - misc - by oooooops (man) - United States

Today, my science teacher decided not to recommend me for an honors science class for next year. The reason? Last week, I made the mistake of asking whether spray tans give vitamins in the same way as the sun. FML

#21349372
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14985) - you deserved it (44400)

On 02/03/2015 at 10:53pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I smacked my kid on top of the head for spinning the display rack while I was looking at greeting cards. It wasn't until he dramatically screamed and dropped to the floor wailing that I realized he wasn't my daughter. FML

#21194154
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30370) - you deserved it (44287)

On 06/30/2014 at 7:39pm - kids - by BaWanda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, after working my shift at McDonalds, I went to clock in at my dispatch job. During a 911 call, I blurted, "Would you like to try the McRib while it's back?" FML

#21023934
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49171) - you deserved it (9140)

On 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to take a shower. Afterwards, I noticed I'd forgotten to bring a shirt to change into, so I put on a towel and went back to my room, only to witness my 14-year-old brother and a friend smelling my bra, commenting on "how warm it is". FML

Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML

#20434472
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40666) - you deserved it (3823)

On 12/31/2012 at 5:36pm - work - by shattysituation - United States

Today, my neighbors discovered Gangnam Style. Ever since I moved in, they've had an obsession with getting wasted by noon and blasting out shitty music all through the evening. I could just about deal with their dubstep fixation before, but now I just want to blow my own head off. FML

#20100208
247 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19794) - you deserved it (4274)

On 10/03/2012 at 5:33pm - misc - by Can you say "bandwagon"? (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend used various infomercial phrases like, "Wait, there's more!" during sex. FML

#20019911
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29855) - you deserved it (4563)

On 08/14/2012 at 1:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I was watching a movie alone with my girlfriend. She shifted positions as I put my arm around her, and ended up kneeing me in the crotch and shouldering me in the throat simultaneously. FML

#20016514
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21117) - you deserved it (2110)

On 08/12/2012 at 5:23am - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she never lets me in her house. She stared blankly and said, "What is inside is not for thine eyes." I told her best friend about this creepiness later on. She sighed and said, "T'was not for mine eyes either. I didst fail to listen." I feel like I'm losing my mind here. FML

#19772012
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27575) - you deserved it (3592)

On 06/11/2012 at 5:45pm - love - by amidreaming?? (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, while at my job as a hostess, I was seating a couple and their adorable little girl. I tried to ask how old she was, but what came out was, "Aww, what breed is she?" FML

#18039986
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18477) - you deserved it (33139)

On 10/21/2011 at 5:27pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, after staying up all night at my friend's house, I woke up to something I couldn't identify on my cheek, so I slapped it away. When I heard crying, I opened my eyes and realized it was my friend's three year old sister who was trying to be sweet by kissing me on the cheek. FML

#14577933
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31509) - you deserved it (14691)

On 01/14/2011 at 1:22pm - misc - by ash (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after getting my appendix taken out, we had to drive over five sets of railroad tracks. Then, my four year old brother decided to punch me in the stomach because, "I took away his mommy for two days." FML

#11459471
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44172) - you deserved it (3139)

On 06/25/2010 at 8:30pm - love - by cduttl1230 - United States (Idaho)

Today, as I showered, I sneezed, hit my face on the wall, got shampoo in my eyes, slipped on a bar of soap, bashed my head on the wall as I fell, grabbed at the walls to stop me from falling and happened to turn off the cold water, scorching me. FML

#7391699
216 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49759) - you deserved it (5752)

On 01/17/2010 at 1:22am - health - by Concussed (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got a call from my daughter's pre-school. Apparently, she is being suspended, for answering; "What do your parents do at home?" She told them, "My parents fuck." FML

#6712384
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15579) - you deserved it (37355)

On 12/11/2009 at 7:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: