Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

dahoss99

Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member

dahoss99

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 5 September 1997 (17 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 257
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

dahoss99's page activity

Visits<b>TheNiceOne</b> - the 08/06/2014 at 10:57pm<b>Welshite</b> - the 08/01/2014 at 7:44am<b>awesomepantTamia</b> - the 07/22/2014 at 2:05pm<b>bjf21</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 5:55pm<b>Giguh</b> - the 07/19/2014 at 1:48pm<b>katydid91</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 4:33am<b>Lifeisunfairxo</b> - the 07/14/2014 at 1:06pm<b>allison12197</b> - the 07/13/2014 at 3:09am<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 07/11/2014 at 12:16am<b>izbechillin</b> - the 05/20/2014 at 5:48pm<b>Kamon97</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 1:34am<b>thelittlemissy</b> - the 02/17/2014 at 7:42am<b>_luckyme_101</b> - the 08/04/2013 at 11:37pm<b>rcgirl2</b> - the 07/03/2013 at 10:50pm<b>w0o0a</b> - the 05/22/2013 at 10:12pm<b>VanillaCinnamon</b> - the 05/22/2013 at 1:09am<b>chandlerbelacic</b> - the 05/19/2013 at 2:29pm<b>watchwhileusleep</b> - the 05/19/2013 at 2:09am

dahoss99's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of dahoss99's badges

dahoss99's favorite FMLs

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

#21252700
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44391) - you deserved it (2613)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, my new boyfriend and I got intimate for the first time. He started whispering in my ear, but I couldn't understand him. He pushed me away and ignored me the rest of the night. Apparently it's a huge turn-off that I can't talk dirty in Klingon. FML

#21246884
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42889) - you deserved it (4936)

On 08/28/2014 at 12:34am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was walking to a job interview. I needed to get rid of some gum but there were no trash cans in sight, so I spat it out on the ground. Next thing I know, some guy grabs me, sticks the gum in my hair, and walks off, muttering curses. I couldn't get it out in time for the interview. FML

#21234860
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20126) - you deserved it (45033)

On 08/11/2014 at 1:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Czech Republic (Hlavni mesto Praha)

Today, since I work at a doughnut shop, I came home smelling like fry oil and had bits of sugar on me. My boyfriend told me he loves having sex with me right after I get off work. He said its like having sex with a hot doughnut. FML

#21230044
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45242) - you deserved it (6948)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:48pm - intimacy - by donutsex (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my sister ran into my room unannounced while I was on webcam with a potential employer. Before I could react, she looked at my screen, said "Damn, he's fucking hot." and flashed him. FML

#21191852
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52032) - you deserved it (4729)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:26pm - work - by justno - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I put on some sexy lingerie, ready to have some fun with my husband. I found him in the living room, opening a bag of doritos in front of the TV. He saw me and understood. Then he looked back at the doritos, then back at me and said gravely, "No way, babe. No way." FML

#21190698
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51480) - you deserved it (6610)

On 06/27/2014 at 7:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went to a seamstress to be fitted for my wedding dress and left with a pierced nipple. FML

#21187386
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44736) - you deserved it (5572)

On 06/25/2014 at 12:29am - misc - by pierced. - United States (Nevada)

Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML

#21184159
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38378) - you deserved it (4534)

On 06/22/2014 at 12:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, the boy who sits next to me in class accidentally dropped his sketch pad. It turns out he's really talented at drawing portraits. They're so good that I could recognize myself in all of them. FML

#21058436
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45563) - you deserved it (7081)

On 02/12/2014 at 8:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

#20963971
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25764) - you deserved it (63713)

On 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML

#20698637
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65650) - you deserved it (18718)

On 06/01/2013 at 1:09am - intimacy - by Samprib (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, the police arrived at my door, telling me my child had been caught vandalizing. A boy who looked about 15 hugged me and said, "Hey, mum". I'm only 26 years old and had never seen this boy in my life. FML

#20473479
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37982) - you deserved it (2397)

On 01/22/2013 at 6:16pm - kids - by Female (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

#19984969
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25031) - you deserved it (2212)

On 07/26/2012 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, while I was in the midst of the most mind-blowing shower sex ever, the fire alarm went off. My girlfriend had left the stove top on and the entire kitchen had caught on fire. So instead of finishing, I frantically ran around naked trying to douse the flames. FML

#19484170
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26892) - you deserved it (3844)

On 04/17/2012 at 2:13pm - intimacy - by blocked_by_fire (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was making love to my boyfriend, when he said "I love you, baby." I told him to go deeper, but instead of doing so, he decided to completely kill the mood by stopping and saying it again in a Barry White type voice. FML

#19388939
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22152) - you deserved it (9318)

On 04/01/2012 at 2:38pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States



FML's blog

  • Krumla's Illustrated FML
  • It's Friday, so a bold font is required. I was sitting in my caravan by the side of busy road cooking cocktail sausages over a gas stove when I realised it was time to start writing something about this…

Friday 24 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: