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daaaaaaaazed

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daaaaaaaazed's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home from work to find a burglar in my house. He then said that he was just leaving, and went back out of the broken window. FML

#19392856
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25485) - you deserved it (1988)

On 04/02/2012 at 1:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)

Today, I got sexually excited thinking about what kind of donuts I wanted to get in the morning. FML

#19381776
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21788) - you deserved it (9949)

On 03/31/2012 at 11:10am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I spent 3 hours trying to read my dog's mind. FML

#19361987
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6616) - you deserved it (35220)

On 03/28/2012 at 2:57am - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

#18404973
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40031) - you deserved it (9438)

On 12/01/2011 at 5:25pm - intimacy - by pops up - United States (Missouri)

Today, my fiancé insists that instead of kissing at the crucial moment of our wedding ceremony, we should give each other a high five. FML

#18392410
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39307) - you deserved it (5522)

On 11/30/2011 at 6:17am - love - by no low five (woman) - United States

Today, I finished a very important but annoying presentation that took four hours to complete. Only after writing a paragraph to explain the presentation and sending it to my boss did I realize that I saved the document as "Shit I have to do to get a promotion." FML

#18231005
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11011) - you deserved it (39920)

On 11/12/2011 at 7:36pm - work - by TTR (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my buddy told me he was going to get an HIV test at the health department. Without thinking, I told him to "think positive". FML

#18216431
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27980) - you deserved it (7339)

On 11/11/2011 at 3:42am - health - by devinchi (man) - United States

Today, I realized I have to choose between being unemployed or putting up with my perverted boss who desperately wants me. I'm a guy and so is he. FML

#18201321
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38473) - you deserved it (3132)

On 11/09/2011 at 12:20pm - work - by Anonymous - Romania (Mures)

Today, I got mugged by a guy who was threatening me with a stapler. FML

#18191865
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27226) - you deserved it (8015)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:39am - misc - by StaplerScared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML

#18191670
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38982) - you deserved it (3859)

On 11/08/2011 at 9:01am - kids - by possiblyoverweight (man) - United Kingdom (Bristol)

Today, I had to deliver pizza to a nudist colony. I got an eyeful of more than I needed to see. FML

#18182863
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28725) - you deserved it (3523)

On 11/07/2011 at 9:24am - work - by Dlord357 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my car broke down because someone stuck a dildo in the tail pipe. I'd parked in my driveway. FML

#18069827
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29002) - you deserved it (3026)

On 10/25/2011 at 1:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

#18067160
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22183) - you deserved it (2977)

On 10/24/2011 at 9:33pm - work - by anonymous - United States

Today, I had to come up with a reward system for getting my boyfriend to brush his teeth daily. He's 24. FML

#18051546
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26800) - you deserved it (5464)

On 10/23/2011 at 2:23am - health - by lynnie - United States (Texas)

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

#18048411
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14982) - you deserved it (46501)

On 10/22/2011 at 7:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New Jersey)



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