Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

d_unsub

Offline (the 03/20/2014 at 8:39am) | Search for a member

d_unsub

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 18 September 1987 (27 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2868
  • Number of comments : 57
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About d_unsub : I'm the type of guy that your mom warned you about

d_unsub's page activity

Visits<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 12:12am<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 11:46am<b>danthehuman</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 2:16pm<b>inner_peace</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 1:54am<b>amcg</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 10:35am<b>cryssycakesx3</b> - the 03/06/2014 at 7:54am<b>woainishamu</b> - the 11/11/2013 at 9:25pm<b>thandidavis</b> - the 07/19/2013 at 5:28pm<b>ashley12356</b> - the 07/11/2013 at 4:10pm<b>AABabe</b> - the 04/20/2013 at 10:19am<b>PsychoticAsylum</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 5:45pm<b>hwkfan1</b> - the 01/11/2013 at 6:12pm<b>ydi_4_suking</b> - the 01/10/2013 at 6:53pm<b>D495</b> - the 12/24/2012 at 11:42pm<b>firegirl1993</b> - the 12/23/2012 at 7:13pm<b>kayceecakess</b> - the 12/20/2012 at 1:01pm<b>hastyheat</b> - the 09/23/2012 at 7:52pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 09/04/2012 at 1:13am

d_unsub's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

See all of d_unsub's badges

d_unsub's favorite FMLs

Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML

#20052962
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19331) - you deserved it (46994)

On 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm - intimacy - by WhyAppleWhy (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33011) - you deserved it (10268)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dog, who has been specially trained to go for help when I'm having a seizure, went to alert my parents downstairs that I was having an emergency. The "emergency" was me masturbating. FML

#20052579
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33011) - you deserved it (10268)

On 09/01/2012 at 1:56pm - intimacy - by thewhompingwillow (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was feeling depressed and got very, very drunk. This evening, I was feeling equally desperate, and ended up having to get my special dildo removed from my asshole at the hospital. FML

#20051425
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11918) - you deserved it (35121)

On 08/31/2012 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by pride? what's that? :( (woman) - Belgium (Vlaams-Brabant)

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28907) - you deserved it (6883)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, wanting to be on time for my first job interview, I woke up at the crack of dawn and walked almost an hour through a thunderstorm. When I arrived, I was told that the manager wasn't in today, because of the bad weather. FML

#20046195
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21718) - you deserved it (1596)

On 08/28/2012 at 12:56pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was dumped by my boyfriend. He claimed that it's because he's an agent fighting the Mafia, and he doesn't want to put my life at risk through reprisal attacks. FML

#20045057
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20682) - you deserved it (2185) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 08/27/2012 at 6:21pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

#19743294
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19795) - you deserved it (1860)

On 06/06/2012 at 8:55am - work - by Anonymous - Australia (Queensland)

Today, in a rush to get my clothes back on at my girlfriend's house at the sound of her parents opening the front door, I forgot to take the condom off. Her dad watched it fall out of my pant leg and onto the kitchen floor. FML

#19710621
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19048) - you deserved it (39557)

On 05/31/2012 at 4:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I found out that my colleagues had replaced my email auto-responder with a message saying, "I'm away for two weeks in Brazil. Due to the surgery, when I return, please address me by my new name: Crystal." FML

#19710494
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28043) - you deserved it (2716) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 05/31/2012 at 4:19pm - love - by Monsieur-Madame (man) - France (Champagne-Ardenne)

Today, I drunkenly staggered home and crashed on the couch. When I woke up I realized it wasn't my house. FML

#19710160
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10153) - you deserved it (29613)

On 05/31/2012 at 3:03pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, after declining an amazing job offer that pays more than double what I make now in order to accept a promotion my boss offered me if I stayed, I asked when I would receive the promotion and pay raise. She snorted and said, "You thought I was serious about that?" FML

#19703375
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28039) - you deserved it (9020)

On 05/30/2012 at 5:37am - work - by Fackwork (man) - United States (Iowa)

Today, in an attempt to be romantic, my boyfriend threw little stones against my window. Unfortunately, the window wasn't closed, and I was standing in front of it. FML

#19636486
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22197) - you deserved it (3063)

On 05/17/2012 at 11:02am - love - by Vero (woman) - Austria (Oberosterreich)

Today, I had to collect my daughter from the hospital. Her boyfriend was even more upset than she was, because his iPhone's screen was damaged beyond repair when the doctor pulled it out of my daughter's vagina. FML

#19631928
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47221) - you deserved it (4373)

On 05/16/2012 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by smart move there (woman) - Ireland (Kildare)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Zach's illustrated FML
  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: