cynically

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Offline (the 08/19/2014 at 7:16pm)

cynically

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2246
  • Number of comments : 48
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About cynically : i like food and vidya gaems.

cynically's page activity

Visits<b>jbuckets_404</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 11:45am<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 7:56am<b>jbivens1992</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 1:09am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 12:42am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 1:14am<b>maaj</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 4:08am<b>Camwentz</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 2:14am<b>smileyemsen</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 11:19am<b>spatula232</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 7:42pm<b>_powerslave666</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 11:57am<b>Celeden</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 11:01pm<b>SEROKE</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 6:57pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 2:32pm<b>tengo</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 8:40pm<b>Cruzg2017</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 7:58pm<b>comedybreak</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 3:09am<b>Begiz</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 12:16pm<b>xMrsCarlilex</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 2:29pm

Fucked!<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 5:43am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 7:14am<b>SEROKE</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 12:57am

cynically's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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cynically's favorite FMLs

Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2012 at 12:12am / United States / Work

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to viciously rip off my thong. My ass crack is numb. FML

by beccav23 / 10/25/2011 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend still couldn't work out where my clitoris is. It's RIGHT THERE, you idiot. I've pointed it out, but each time it's like he needs a compass and a map or something. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2011 at 11:56am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend fingered me. He never cuts his nails. It felt like I was getting intimate with Wolverine. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2011 at 12:52pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, my boss asked if he could pay me in guns. FML

by grant b / 06/09/2011 at 12:06am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, my fiancé nervously sat me down for a "serious chat". The chat wound up with him asking if we could postpone our wedding, because his World of Warcraft guild had a raid scheduled for the same day. FML

by Anonymous / 06/03/2011 at 7:16pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend refused to take me out on our three year anniversary because he was busy, "training to become a professional gamer." FML

by Anonymous / 05/31/2011 at 8:50pm / Brazil / Geek

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

by failure / 04/08/2011 at 1:24am / Intimacy

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2011 at 1:32pm / United Kingdom (Wiltshire) / Geek

Today, I was going down on my girlfriend. I thought everything was going well, then all of a sudden she gets up and screams at me "IT'S NOT A TACO EATING COMPETITION, CHILL OUT." FML

by failed / 02/23/2011 at 5:06am / Switzerland (Vaud) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML

by missbrit / 02/04/2011 at 2:59am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend finally got a Facebook account. Too bad she doesn't know the difference between a wall post and a message. She just described how much she enjoyed our sex last night, in great detail. My mom liked it. FML

by anon / 01/31/2011 at 5:46pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

by Scaredwitless / 01/27/2011 at 11:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, one week after my girlfriend berated me for not being invested enough in our relationship, I proposed to her. Her answer? "I meant give me an orgasm, not a ring!" FML

by Limalia / 01/24/2011 at 4:00pm / Switzerland (Zurich) / Intimacy

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said "right now?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/03/2011 at 3:42am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy