cynically

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Offline (the 08/19/2014 at 7:16pm)

cynically

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2170
  • Number of comments : 48
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About cynically : i like food and vidya gaems.

cynically's page activity

Visits<b>yuno_gasai</b> - the 05/31/2016 at 7:56am<b>jbivens1992</b> - the 03/12/2016 at 1:09am<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 12:42am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 1:14am<b>maaj</b> - the 06/29/2015 at 4:08am<b>Camwentz</b> - the 06/05/2015 at 2:14am<b>smileyemsen</b> - the 04/25/2015 at 11:19am<b>spatula232</b> - the 04/03/2015 at 7:42pm<b>_powerslave666</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 11:57am<b>Celeden</b> - the 01/25/2015 at 11:01pm<b>SEROKE</b> - the 01/03/2015 at 6:57pm<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 11/08/2014 at 2:32pm<b>tengo</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 8:40pm<b>Edogg215</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 7:51pm<b>Cruzg2017</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 7:58pm<b>comedybreak</b> - the 06/29/2014 at 3:09am<b>Begiz</b> - the 06/25/2014 at 12:16pm<b>xMrsCarlilex</b> - the 06/17/2014 at 2:29pm

Fucked!<b>delfino1604</b> - the 10/30/2015 at 5:43am<b>AirBusDriver</b> - the 09/20/2015 at 7:14am<b>SEROKE</b> - the 01/04/2015 at 12:57am

cynically's FML badges

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You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

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cynically's favorite FMLs

Today, on my shift as a nurse, I asked a pregnant woman what she would name her child. She said she saw the name "Chlamydia" on a billboard and decided to name her daughter that, saying it was "beautiful." I informed her that it was an STD, and she replied, "Oh, well no one knows that!" FML

by andy / 01/27/2013 at 11:36pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, I played an intense paintball match, with me and my friends versus my boyfriend and his buddies. When we won, my boyfriend went mental and said he only lost because of "lag". When I pointed out we weren't in a video game, he reacted by firing a paintball straight into my chest. FML

by LagSwitchFTW / 01/25/2013 at 5:19pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything. Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors. I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book. FML

by Anonymous / 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm / United States (Maryland) / Miscellaneous

Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML

by dormeur / 01/18/2013 at 6:39am / Animals

Today, my boyfriend yet again decided to act like Edward Cullen from Twilight, and got his friend to act like Jacob. Every time they're around, my boyfriend always looks stoned and constipated, and his friend is shirtless. I feel like I'm in a shitty romance movie. FML

by Bella / 01/15/2013 at 1:57pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

by Anonymous / 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy

Today, while reading an erotic story I was more excited that the author used a conjunctive adverb than the sexual content in the story. FML

by frustrated / 01/13/2013 at 1:39am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

by ugh / 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML

by kblevss / 01/05/2013 at 4:21am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, while at the store with my mom and baby brother, a guy started to talk to me. Just as he went to give me his number, my mom handed me my brother and said, "Here's your son, your AA meeting's in an hour, let's go." FML

by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 1:30pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 14-year-old daughter came home after sneaking out and partying. She was totally drunk, and started crying on my shoulder because some boy named "Thomas" has a small dick, and she had to fake an orgasm. FML

by valnaj1 / 12/24/2012 at 10:03pm / Denmark (Syddanmark) / Intimacy

Today, it was my first time at the club. I saw a really cute girl. I finally worked up the courage to ask her to dance. Before I even got within five feet of her, she looked me in the eyes and vehemently shook her head. I did a 180. My friends saw everything. They are still laughing. FML

by divingconfidence / 12/22/2012 at 6:21am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me his Christmas gift to me was custom made. I told my parents in excitement, thinking it could possibly be a ring. Half an hour later he told me what it was; a molded dildo of his penis. It's going to be an awkward conversation with my parents when they ask what I got. FML

by djl / 12/20/2012 at 12:30am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

by Anonymous / 11/23/2012 at 1:17am / United States (California) / Animals

Today, after I spent two hours trying to teach my girlfriend to play sudoku, she broke up with me, tearfully claiming that I'd made up a fake, imaginary game to make her feel stupid. FML

by Anonymous / 11/18/2012 at 7:13am / United States (New York) / Love