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Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39410) - you deserved it (5470)
On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44598) - you deserved it (2571)
Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44904) - you deserved it (3103)
On 05/14/2013 at 12:15am - intimacy - by magomag (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69827) - you deserved it (4221)
On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)
Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45420) - you deserved it (3100)
On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43935) - you deserved it (9418)
On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML
I agree, your life sucks (74529) - you deserved it (4354)
On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)
Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (55441) - you deserved it (4763)
On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States
Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41373) - you deserved it (5325)
On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45424) - you deserved it (3692)
On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54109) - you deserved it (11024)
On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -
Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57370) - you deserved it (6632)
On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53502) - you deserved it (7621)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41291) - you deserved it (6228)
On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)
Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34864) - you deserved it (9882)
On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Monday 20 May 2013
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