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cttwtr

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cttwtr
  • Town/Country : Auckland, New Zealand
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 July 1988 (24 years)
  • Number of visits : 557
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cttwtr : I'm in Ur interwebz

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cttwtr's favorite FMLs

Today, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's perfect in every way, except for her birth mark. It's under the corner of her left eye and looks almost exactly like a prison teardrop tattoo. FML

#20673142
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39410) - you deserved it (5470)

On 05/19/2013 at 2:33pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

#20663501
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44598) - you deserved it (2571)

On 05/14/2013 at 6:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I learned if you type my full name in Google Images, the 3rd thing that comes up is a naked woman in ropes. Someone on Pornhub thought it was smart to comment that the girl looks just like me. She does. Now my parents think I'm a porn star, and most people at school stopped talking to me. FML

#20662282
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44904) - you deserved it (3103)

On 05/14/2013 at 12:15am - intimacy - by magomag (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my stalker ex girlfriend turned up at my wedding, uninvited, wearing a wedding dress. FML

#20655660
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69827) - you deserved it (4221)

On 05/11/2013 at 2:25am - love - by tdrtnlz - United Kingdom (Warwickshire)

Today, I finally got the courage to make a move on the guy I've been crushing on. I asked him if he would like to go see a movie with me. He answered, "Sorry, I've already seen it." I didn't even mention any particular movie. FML

#20651541
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45420) - you deserved it (3100)

On 05/09/2013 at 3:01am - love - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML

#20649343
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43935) - you deserved it (9418)

On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my wife is having an affair with the same guy my ex-wife left me for. FML

#20645479
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74529) - you deserved it (4354)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:13pm - love - by Anonymous - Ireland (Donegal)

Today, I woke up to the sound of my newborn screaming. I frantically hopped out of bed and stumbled into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of my five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfeed her understandably frustrated little brother. FML

#20644821
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55441) - you deserved it (4763)

On 05/06/2013 at 2:29am - kids - by SkeetinKeaton (man) - United States

Today, my 6-year-old daughter walked into the bathroom where I was grumbling about my weight. Seeing how upset I was, she took my hand and said, "Mom, you're not fat. You just look fat." FML

#20643910
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41373) - you deserved it (5325)

On 05/05/2013 at 8:56pm - kids - by me - United States (Texas)

Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons for a party in recognition of our company's huge merger. Instead, he made condom balloons. Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms for a prestigious company event. A company whose CEO is named Dick. FML

#20642182
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45424) - you deserved it (3692)

On 05/05/2013 at 12:14am - work - by ADickySituation - United States (Illinois)

Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML

#20640404
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54109) - you deserved it (11024)

On 05/04/2013 at 3:22am - kids - by prostitott -

Today, my boss fired me for acting "inappropriately" at work. I gave him a hug. He's my dad. FML

#20638777
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57370) - you deserved it (6632)

On 05/03/2013 at 11:00am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53502) - you deserved it (7621)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I'm on holiday in Ghana. After having worn an anklet I bought here for the past two weeks, I was told that it's used by the local prostitutes to advertise their trade. FML

#20637157
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41291) - you deserved it (6228)

On 05/02/2013 at 3:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ghana (Greater Accra)

Today, I learned my husband has what he calls "grumpy wife sex" specifically to cheer me up. I don't know if I'm more annoyed that he casually mentioned it after we've been together for 10 years, or that it actually works. FML

#20636797
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34864) - you deserved it (9882)

On 05/02/2013 at 11:59am - intimacy - by MommaAnnie (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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Monday 20 May 2013

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