cttwtr

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cttwtr

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Thursday 7 July 1988 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2981
  • Number of comments : 13
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About cttwtr : I'm in Ur interwebz

cttwtr's page activity

Visits<b>Mooish</b> - the 01/09/2014 at 1:47am<b>Nordrag</b> - the 01/08/2014 at 8:26pm<b>RichardDickanus</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 7:26pm<b>imyy</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 8:24am<b>Allornone</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 6:07am<b>Iguanadon</b> - the 11/04/2013 at 3:49am<b>neeni88</b> - the 08/15/2013 at 5:22pm<b>Januzane</b> - the 06/30/2013 at 8:57pm<b>PaladinAK</b> - the 05/12/2013 at 8:51pm<b>rp713</b> - the 03/28/2013 at 12:30pm<b>Alan2</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 11:39pm<b>geekchick88</b> - the 03/25/2013 at 12:50pm<b>hoffmanam</b> - the 03/20/2013 at 8:41pm<b>SillyGirl4602</b> - the 03/19/2013 at 5:41am<b>NeatNit</b> - the 02/28/2013 at 12:24am<b>ksks1234</b> - the 02/04/2013 at 2:38pm

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cttwtr's favorite FMLs

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

by Anonymous / 01/30/2014 at 7:34am / United States / Kids

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

by sabz21 / 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor, only to find out I can no longer eat chocolate, my favorite food. When I got home, my boyfriend took the chocolate cake I'd been eating from the fridge, sat down in front of me, and ate the whole thing without breaking eye contact. FML

by foreveralone / 01/12/2014 at 8:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

by stalked / 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I lost a bet with my grandma, and now she's coming with me on my next date. FML

by Anonymous / 01/07/2014 at 11:21pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

by stillhurting / 01/05/2014 at 4:45pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

by thanks.... / 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

by notakeeper / 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was verbally abused by a tourist because neither I nor anyone else in my country can speak "proper English". We're in England - clue's in the name, dipshit. FML

by Kayak / 12/29/2013 at 6:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my husband to try a little foreplay for once, instead of just rushing into sex. His idea of foreplay was to sweetly whisper that he was going to "penis" me so hard. That's the first time I've heard the word "penis" used as a verb, and hopefully the last. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2013 at 5:39pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy

Today, I found out about my co-workers' new game. Whoever talks to me first loses. FML

by pompomkiwi / 12/24/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

by Lemurcat / 12/11/2013 at 11:56am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that I am bleeding from my cervix and must refrain from having sex for the next two weeks. My fiancé pointedly asked if my cervix has anything to do with my mouth. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's idea of foreplay was to offer to make lunch, leave the room for a few minutes, then come back with no clothes on and offer me a "cockmeat sandwich". FML

by fuckadaisical / 12/06/2013 at 3:23pm / United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff) / Intimacy