About criminalmind : I'm either on FML, playing Fallout: New Vegas or watching porn
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criminalmind's favorite FMLs
Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML
by Lonely / 07/24/2011 at 1:02pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by oouchh / 07/24/2011 at 8:22am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Love
Today, I went skinny dipping with my friends. A security man drove up the dock we were on with his bike. After informing us that the dock was closed, and noticing all of our swimsuits on the dock, he refused to move his flashlight beam from us in the water. FML
by Men '86 / 07/24/2011 at 2:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML
by Anonymous / 07/23/2011 at 7:53pm / United States / Love
Today, I was doing swimming practice at the pool. I suddenly got breathless, dizzy, and felt like I was drowning. I cried out to the instructor, telling him I had a weak heart. He shouted back, "I don't care about your girlfriend's problems! Swim, bitch!" FML
Today, I was walking to the store when I ran into one of my friends. He said he heard about my bike being stolen the day before, and that whoever took it was a heartless dick. I hadn't told anyone about the theft. FML
by Username / 07/23/2011 at 5:27pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm staying in a hotel where the lights are automatic. They turn on when something moves and turn off when everything is still. I'm a sensitive sleeper and I move in my sleep, so the light wakes me up. It's currently 2 a.m. and all together I've gotten about 20 minutes of sleep. FML
by someone / 07/23/2011 at 4:50am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to see a movie I'd been waiting months for. A couple of women sat down a few rows in front of me with five infants. The infants cried and wailed throughout. I'm not sure I have any idea what was actually said in any of the dialogue. FML
by AceGeek / 07/22/2011 at 7:49pm / United States (California) / Kids
by iwantmoney / 07/21/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Money
by ohmygosh / 07/21/2011 at 7:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work
by Username / 07/21/2011 at 7:14am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend's overprotective parents decided that I'm a bad influence on their daughter. I'm a straight A engineering student who openly speaks out against drugs, alcohol, and discrimination. Their reason? Someone told them I dyed my hair black. They think I'm a "closet Nazi". FML
by rbeast / 07/21/2011 at 12:10am / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, while in line at a gas station, I felt something on my shoulder. I turned around only to see a woman behind me pulling the sunburnt skin off my shoulder. When I told her to stop, she yelled, hit me with her purse and ran off crying. FML
by therundown / 07/20/2011 at 9:38am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by ElixirRose / 07/20/2011 at 8:36am / United States (Georgia) / Animals
by growlr / 07/20/2011 at 5:17am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my bosses words, "Abided by company policy to such an…