About criminalmind : I'm either on FML, playing Fallout: New Vegas or watching porn
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criminalmind's favorite FMLs
Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML
by thehumanshield / 08/05/2011 at 4:41am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, mom was so upset when she found out that she is having another granddaughter that she wants us to pay her back for the little boy clothes that she bought before the sex of the baby was known. FML
by mommytobe / 08/04/2011 at 11:56pm / United States (California) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/04/2011 at 7:19pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Money
Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML
by Joe / 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Florida) / Money
Today, my boss sat me down to discuss the sounds my co-workers have heard coming from my cubicle. Apparently my music sounds like the background tracks from shitty soft-core porn movies. I'm getting a three day suspension while they go through all my files. FML
by ImScrewed / 08/02/2011 at 1:47pm / United States (California) / Work
by chinchilla4404 / 08/02/2011 at 10:17am / United States / Health
by ohcrap / 08/02/2011 at 12:58am / United States (Colorado) / Kids
by HaHa Not Funny / 08/02/2011 at 12:13am / United States (North Carolina) / Love
Today, my grandmother updated her will. Previously, it denied inheritance to family members with non-white spouses, and any mixed-raced children. Now it does the same with politically correct terminology. She then bragged about how accepting she is in front of my Korean husband and our daughter. FML
by Anonymous / 08/01/2011 at 8:59pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I woke up to my mom washing the dishes completely naked. Sadly, I was more surprised by the fact she was doing the dishes than the fact that that she was strutting about in her birthday suit. FML
by notsurprised / 08/01/2011 at 8:55am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by creepedout / 07/31/2011 at 1:11am / United States / Intimacy
Today, it started pouring while I was in the middle of a pizza delivery. I had to stand out in the rain for ten minutes while an old redneck dude wearing nothing but camo boxers fumbled around for the exact change to pay the bill. I think seeing his junk was supposed to count as my tip. FML
by womboman / 07/30/2011 at 4:02pm / United States / Intimacy
by ewww / 07/30/2011 at 10:07am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by loser4life / 07/30/2011 at 12:38am / United States (Colorado) / Animals
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
by Nickname / 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…