Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

criminalmind

Search for a member

criminalmind

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 March 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7550
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

About criminalmind : I'm either on FML, playing Fallout: New Vegas or watching porn

criminalmind's page activity

Visits<b>saf99me</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 4:30pm<b>anormalperson</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 2:09am<b>RabbidIbanez</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 6:48pm<b>melons</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 5:19pm<b>billionair11</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 9:09pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:39pm<b>kaengle</b> - the 08/13/2011 at 3:51pm<b>Amrel</b> - the 08/09/2011 at 12:56pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 07/28/2011 at 10:11pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 07/14/2011 at 1:04am<b>ispeakmamind</b> - the 05/06/2011 at 12:21am<b>elysium_lit</b> - the 04/29/2011 at 9:57am<b>KitKaitSixx</b> - the 04/15/2011 at 2:05am<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 12/23/2010 at 10:55pm<b>perdix</b> - the 09/25/2010 at 10:45am<b>Ur_REmEdy</b> - the 09/01/2010 at 2:11pm<b>BaBiiSpAnKy821</b> - the 09/01/2010 at 3:13am<b>greyy_goooose</b> - the 08/30/2010 at 6:30pm

criminalmind's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of criminalmind's badges

criminalmind's favorite FMLs

Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML

#17457202
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38778) - you deserved it (16214)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:58am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)

Today, my roommate and I got into an argument. He told me he understood if I didn't forgive him "for a couple of days." He'd confessed to undressing my girlfriend in her sleep. FML

#17447904
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36093) - you deserved it (2651)

On 08/12/2011 at 3:54am - intimacy - by James (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

#17446772
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36299) - you deserved it (7122)

On 08/12/2011 at 1:33am - intimacy - by Pissedoff777 - United States (Arizona)

Today, my car was broken into, and they stole all my CDs, but left my daughter's Black Eyed Peas CD behind. I'm pretty pissed about the theft, but almost glad to see that the delinquents in my town have a decent taste in music. FML

#17444868
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28971) - you deserved it (3901)

On 08/11/2011 at 10:30pm - money - by Musicfan - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my three year old sister asked me to go to the amusement park with her. Since I was late for work, I politely refused and said we'd go tomorrow. She punched me in the nuts so hard that I could barely walk. FML

#17438082
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26627) - you deserved it (4950)

On 08/11/2011 at 4:45am - kids - by IRum (man) - Russian Federation

Today, since I'm too ashamed to go buy a proper sex toy, I used an old Star Wars toy sword instead. FML

#17436824
399 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11695) - you deserved it (51158)

On 08/11/2011 at 1:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Mexico (Distrito Federal)

Today, I saw a cute girl working register at my regular coffee shop and politely asked the her for her number. I was brutally rejected. A few minutes later, a douchebag with a popped collar approached her with a cheesy pickup line and left with not only her number, but a free frappe. FML

#17431204
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35054) - you deserved it (5204)

On 08/10/2011 at 5:10pm - love - by 6u174r_d00d - United States

Today, my aunt had to smuggle me some regular toothpaste. Why? My mom isn't letting anyone in our house use anything but "Coral Paste." There are actually lumps of coral in it. FML

#17429124
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34577) - you deserved it (2409)

On 08/10/2011 at 1:00pm - health - by teeth (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML

#17424744
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32446) - you deserved it (9045)

On 08/10/2011 at 12:46am - health - by auntoftheyear - United States (Louisiana)

Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML

#17421184
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37283) - you deserved it (8117)

On 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm - animals - by Zoe Avila - United States

Today, I was walking to get ice-cream with my boyfriend. When we were ordering our cone, the girl who was scooping it said to my boyfriend, "Hey I know you! You're the one who slept with my sister-in-law the other night." FML

#17417744
220 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49273) - you deserved it (4612)

On 08/09/2011 at 12:08pm - love - by the2girls - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my husband declined a $100k/year job due to him thinking that a full time job at one work place would be too 'depressing'. I'm a nurse and have to wipe other people's arses for a living, then come home to this lazy dick. FML

#17416952
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43003) - you deserved it (7906)

On 08/09/2011 at 9:48am - work - by Lauren - Australia (South Australia)

Today, at my job as a movie theater attendant, my boss finally eased up and let me sit in on one of the movies. One woman kept laughing out loud every other line. After ten minutes of her braying like a dying horse, I got up and had her ejected from the theater. I'm a terrible person. FML

#17398453
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28261) - you deserved it (10463)

On 08/07/2011 at 4:29pm - work - by power corrupts... (woman) - Czech Republic (Plzensky kraj)

Today, I was sitting in the hospital waiting area. An old lady was crying, and my five year old daughter asked her, "Are you okay?" The woman quietly nodded, prompting my daughter to scream at the top of her lungs, "Well shut up then!" FML

#17391065
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34307) - you deserved it (9868)

On 08/06/2011 at 9:40pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was peeing, and I sneezed. I looked down to see that my gum had flown out of my mouth and gotten caught in my pubes. On the upside I got a new look. FML

#17383761
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20566) - you deserved it (8641)

On 08/06/2011 at 1:15am - misc - by en3rg1zer21 - United States (Wisconsin)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: