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criminalmind

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criminalmind
  • Town/Country : Toronto, Canada
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 March 1996 (15 years)
  • Number of visits : 2086
  • Number of comments : 65
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

About criminalmind : I'm either on FML, playing Fallout: New Vegas or watching porn

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criminalmind's favorite FMLs

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804 (223)

I agree, your life sucks (4230) - you deserved it (9948)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

#17488999 (262)

I agree, your life sucks (10546) - you deserved it (32920)

On 08/16/2011 at 9:20am - love - by worried (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

#17487465 (120)

I agree, your life sucks (24796) - you deserved it (2813)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:44am - love - by 800z - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML

#17485415 (263)

I agree, your life sucks (23661) - you deserved it (3136)

On 08/15/2011 at 11:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

#17481344 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (9187) - you deserved it (21336)

On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

#17480475 (382)

I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (3246)

On 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

#17480180 (85)

I agree, your life sucks (18788) - you deserved it (6446)

On 08/15/2011 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by blah (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

#17471186 (94)

I agree, your life sucks (16605) - you deserved it (8683)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

#17470290 (170)

I agree, your life sucks (8279) - you deserved it (2768)

On 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167 (43)

I agree, your life sucks (12084) - you deserved it (2681)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

#17461344 (451)

I agree, your life sucks (9574) - you deserved it (27736)

On 08/13/2011 at 4:22pm - misc - by ifailsobadly (man) - United Kingdom (Worcestershire)

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

#17459271 (184)

I agree, your life sucks (22673) - you deserved it (3039)

On 08/13/2011 at 11:31am - misc - by NotSoAnon (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

#17458354 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (19593) - you deserved it (3496)

On 08/13/2011 at 7:45am - love - by Username - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

#17458191 (86)

I agree, your life sucks (6465) - you deserved it (22436)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:31am - kids - by Kathryn - Belgium

Today, I learned the hard way that taking a 20 mile bike ride with my boyfriend's family the day after losing my virginity is the worst decision ever. FML

#17457202 (250)

I agree, your life sucks (29501) - you deserved it (10533)

On 08/13/2011 at 2:58am - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Iowa)