Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

criminalmind

Search for a member

criminalmind

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Friday 22 March 1996 (18 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 7342
  • Number of comments : 67
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 27 posted

About criminalmind : I'm either on FML, playing Fallout: New Vegas or watching porn

criminalmind's page activity

Visits<b>anormalperson</b> - the 07/10/2014 at 2:09am<b>RabbidIbanez</b> - the 04/21/2014 at 6:48pm<b>melons</b> - the 01/31/2014 at 5:19pm<b>billionair11</b> - the 01/22/2014 at 9:09pm<b>Freeze</b> - the 09/10/2011 at 9:39pm<b>kaengle</b> - the 08/13/2011 at 3:51pm<b>Amrel</b> - the 08/09/2011 at 12:56pm<b>lmc94</b> - the 07/28/2011 at 10:11pm<b>raphanne</b> - the 07/14/2011 at 1:04am<b>ispeakmamind</b> - the 05/06/2011 at 12:21am<b>elysium_lit</b> - the 04/29/2011 at 9:57am<b>KitKaitSixx</b> - the 04/15/2011 at 2:05am<b>sweet_candy_</b> - the 12/23/2010 at 10:55pm<b>perdix</b> - the 09/25/2010 at 10:45am<b>Ur_REmEdy</b> - the 09/01/2010 at 2:11pm<b>BaBiiSpAnKy821</b> - the 09/01/2010 at 3:13am<b>greyy_goooose</b> - the 08/30/2010 at 6:30pm<b>joeinthedark</b> - the 08/30/2010 at 1:20pm

criminalmind's FML badges

I moderated this!

In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of criminalmind's badges

criminalmind's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

#19781755
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30368) - you deserved it (4598)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm - intimacy - by Rosie (woman) - Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen)

Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML

#18086804
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13575) - you deserved it (34713)

On 10/27/2011 at 2:41am - misc - by Deborah - United States

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

#17488999
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14608) - you deserved it (49354)

On 08/16/2011 at 9:20am - love - by worried (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I biked 15 km to my girlfriend's house in really heavy rain to surprise her. Turns out she's on holiday in Spain, and hadn't bothered to tell me. FML

#17487465
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31802) - you deserved it (4071)

On 08/16/2011 at 2:44am - love - by 800z - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML

#17485415
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31904) - you deserved it (4617)

On 08/15/2011 at 11:31pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML

#17481344
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12668) - you deserved it (33881)

On 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm - kids - by ollie179 - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

#17480475
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40608) - you deserved it (4712)

On 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

#17480180
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26460) - you deserved it (9212)

On 08/15/2011 at 12:22pm - intimacy - by blah (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML

#17471186
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22709) - you deserved it (13550)

On 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm - misc - by fuck (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, the guy at Subway asked if I wanted to make my sandwich a footlong. I'm not sure what came over me, but before I realized what I was saying, I'd told him that I couldn't handle 12 inches. FML

#17470290
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (9366)

On 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm - misc - by Username - United States (New York)

Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML

#17468167
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34333) - you deserved it (9549)

On 08/14/2011 at 7:20am - misc - by Goaway (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

Today, I was painting my room. I told my mom not to open the door because I was on a ladder just behind it, with a paint can perched atop. She barged in to ask me what I'd said. FML

#17459271
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29698) - you deserved it (4469)

On 08/13/2011 at 11:31am - misc - by NotSoAnon (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

#17458354
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26291) - you deserved it (4918)

On 08/13/2011 at 7:45am - love - by Username - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML

#17458191
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9099) - you deserved it (35554)

On 08/13/2011 at 6:31am - kids - by Kathryn - Belgium



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: