About criminalmind : I'm either on FML, playing Fallout: New Vegas or watching porn
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criminalmind's favorite FMLs
by Rosie / 06/13/2012 at 12:07pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Intimacy
Today, I saw my upstairs neighbor outside getting the mail. She asked how my day was, and then apologized that the sound of her baby's crying through the walls kept me up last night. Apparently she heard me when I yelled at 2am for her fucking demon spawn to shut up. FML
by Deborah / 10/27/2011 at 2:41am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML
by worried / 08/16/2011 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love
by 800z / 08/16/2011 at 2:44am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Love
Today, a cute guy in a bar came up to me, and we started chatting. I'm a natural blonde, and he commented on how nice my hair was. He then followed this up with, "Does the carpet match the curtains?" FML
by Anonymous / 08/15/2011 at 11:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my 3 year old son's tricycle was stolen. I looked up the street and saw a neighbour's kid riding it. I marched up, gently lifted him off it, gave him a stern lecture about stealing and brought the tricycle back home. The cops then showed up. Apparently, the kid has an identical tricycle. FML
by ollie179 / 08/15/2011 at 3:14pm / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by blah / 08/15/2011 at 12:22pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, while out shopping, I noticed a seedy bum kept following a girl around the store. Trying to be a good samaritan, I trailed them into the street. The bum jogged up behind her and looked like he was about to grab her, so I ran up and tackled him to the ground. Turns out he was her father. FML
by fuck / 08/14/2011 at 3:31pm / United States (Arizona) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 08/14/2011 at 1:44pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, two Jehovah's Witnesses rang my doorbell for the 10th time. This time they asked me whether I knew Faith's greatest enemy. I replied, "Basic reasoning?" A copy of The Watchtower can really hurt when it hits you in the eye. FML
by Goaway / 08/14/2011 at 7:20am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
by ifailsobadly / 08/13/2011 at 4:22pm / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous
by NotSoAnon / 08/13/2011 at 11:31am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML
by Username / 08/13/2011 at 7:45am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I was driving my twin daughters to school, when I accidentally honked my horn. I told them it was an accident. One of my kids said she already knew, because I didn't yell "asshole" afterwards. FML
by Kathryn / 08/13/2011 at 6:31am / Belgium / Kids
- Today, I was at a restaurant (which is 1 hour away from home) with my family eating dinner. I went… Today, I was coaching some kids in table tennis when I told them to try a forehand loop, or smash.… Today, my new husband and I embarked on our honeymoon together that has been months in the planning…