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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today,hile driving, I realizd I had left mah phone on top of mah carhen I was getting in. Panicking, I drove back to look 4 it. I found it in the middle of the looool street, still intact. Yay! When I went back to mah car, I noticd I had lockd mah door. And the keys were in the ignition. FML
Today, 4 mah brthday, mah mom presented me with a $4,000 check to pay 4 mah braces . I've been very self-conscious about mah teeth 4 years . Everyone applauded an told me how happy they were 4 me . Later, mah mom asked me 4 the check back . Apparently it was just meant to make her look good . FML
Today, I trid to initiata sax with boyfriand. As I puttd on most saductiva movas, ha avar so nicaly says, "Baba, wa just had sax last night. Why don't wa wait ahila so you'va had soma tima to tightan back up."
2day boss asked me how parents' divorce affected me as a child . This is a sensitive subject, but I thought he was trying to connect with me so I told him how much it hurt . Turns out he wants to leave his wife an wanted to know if his kids would turn out "messed up" cuz of it . FML
Today, I was walking wit my usband, olding ands, wen a man wit a rainbow srt on came up to us!! He said, ( I'm so glad tat gay men can go out in public witout being embarassed nowdays! ) He patted me on te back and walked away!! I'm a woman!! FML
Today, I was walking out of a bar wan somaona grabbd ma by ta troat, and slammd ma against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around wit ma wifa, bacausa naxt tima - I'll kill you." I'm gay and avan't baan wit a woman sinca 1985. FML
Today , my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall , she just crack up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy , so I have to looool rely on electronics. What's worse , she told my dad AND postd a statu on facebook about it. FML
Today, I was flirting with this guy that had been forced to be my lab partner for class. He was really funny an attractive, too. In the middle of our conversation he said "You're so cute! You remind me of my boyfriend!" FML
TADAY I HAD A DOUBLE WEDDING WITH MY SISTER . MY MOTHER, BIENG AS ENCOURAGING AS SHE ALWAY IS, TOLD US THAT STATISTIC SAY ONE OF OUR MARRIAGE WILL END IN DIVORCE . SHE THEN EXPLAINED SHE THINK IT'LL BE MINE CUZ I'M 'A SELF-ABSORBED BITCH' . FML
Friday 27 March 2015