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crazoy's favorite FMLs
Today, I had dinner with my family for the first time in a couple of days. My mum and dad spent the majority of the time arguing whether salt or pepper weighed more. This is why I'm not home often. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2012 at 7:44am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was browsing the web on my boyfriend's laptop, when I idly clicked a bookmark. It turned out to be his private blog, where he most recently spoke in very creepy detail about his efforts to make me love him, remarking that, "Soon, I'll plant my seed in her breeding hips." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2012 at 4:49pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML
by Anonymous / 04/02/2012 at 10:07pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/13/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by best friend! / 03/10/2012 at 12:12am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by dadadoo / 02/05/2012 at 11:09pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into an old friend. I asked her how she was doing, then asked, "And your mum?" Just as the words escaped my lips, I remembered her mum died a few years ago. Trying to save face, I messed up again and blurted, "She still in the same graveyard?" FML
by Virginiedetibo / 10/21/2011 at 10:09pm / France / Miscellaneous
by notinterested / 09/13/2011 at 6:11am / United States / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/26/2011 at 12:30am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was almost done getting ready for a really big date, when I heard my dad call for help from outside. I rushed downstairs and out the door, only to be ambushed and showered by my father with the garden hose. FML
by anonymous / 06/17/2011 at 3:58pm / United States (Illinois) / Love
by nrelavender / 05/25/2011 at 10:48pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals
Today, I saw my neighbor of twelve years at the grocery store. Being friendly, I went over to say hello. After I did, she responded by saying that she didn't know me but I look familiar. Finally, she remembered why I'm familiar saying that I look like the dorky guy from Two and a Half Men. FML
by Greig / 05/22/2011 at 8:18am / United States (Ohio) / Kids
Today, I was driving back home with my mom when we saw two squirrels having sex in the road. I told her to just honk the horn. She said that I was being selfish, that sex is a beautiful thing, and that we should let them finish. We sat there for at least five minutes. FML
by squirrels69ing / 05/21/2011 at 9:00pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, in the subway, a man ran up to me, grabbed me, and starting hugging me. He wouldn't stop hugging me, and his grip was too tight. I don't know what's worst, basically being harassed, or not being able to remember the last time I was hugged. FML
by whyme / 05/09/2011 at 11:55pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, it's been 2 weeks since I ordered a printer so I could print schoolwork, that way I don't…
- Today, I realized that due to my anti-depressants, I can no longer orgasm. At. All. Which depresses… Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he… Today, my husband decided to play a recording of me breaking wind in my sleep to my whole family at…