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  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 688
  • Number of comments : 30
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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crabgass's page activity

Visits<b>FML_HelloItsMe</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 6:26am<b>ZeldaPaulThingy</b> - the 03/26/2014 at 12:26am<b>colton_colton</b> - the 01/23/2014 at 6:36pm<b>alexmac222</b> - the 01/13/2014 at 6:50pm<b>Aspireworks</b> - the 12/16/2013 at 5:05pm<b>anywhereanytime</b> - the 08/14/2013 at 1:36pm<b>Soup</b> - the 03/15/2011 at 11:46am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 5:37am<b>CloudEnvy</b> - the 12/25/2010 at 12:51pm<b>SquaredRectangle</b> - the 12/05/2010 at 9:34pm<b>Niaa</b> - the 12/04/2010 at 5:19am<b>oDdbOD247</b> - the 12/04/2010 at 3:55am<b>zimmiexdoll</b> - the 08/11/2010 at 11:12pm

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crabgass's favorite FMLs

Today, I woke up to an early Christmas present on my car. It was a nicely wrapped box containing a dead bird, a half eaten sandwich, and a note reading "MERRY F**KING CHRISTMAS STAN." This will probably be my only Christmas present. My name is Luke. FML

by Anonymous / 12/12/2010 at 9:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

by flexibleflatulance / 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, after six months of dating, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because my "obsession" of being on the computer and playing games all the time was cutting into "our time". She then told me to "get a life" and never wanted to see me again. She told me all of this on WoW. FML

by zuper_duper / 08/29/2009 at 6:20pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I finally worked up the nerve to text the girl I've had a crush on to ask her on a date. I got back the reply, "Error message 3265: Number No Longer In Swrvice." Not only can she not spell, when I looked it up, "error 3265" doesn't even exist. FML

by ZSL / 08/17/2009 at 5:41pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML

by uh-oh / 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy

Today, I brought a cute guy back from the bar to have sex. He was drunk, so he had trouble getting it up, and I said jokingly "you need to work on that". We fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning to him gone and a note that said "you need to work on not farting in your sleep". FML

by Screwed / 04/22/2009 at 1:46pm / United States (Mississippi) / Intimacy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

by RC3Welly / 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy

Today, I woke up at my boyfriend's place with grumbling stomach pains. I left him in bed to go have explosive diarreah in the bathroom next to his room. When I was done, I came back to bed and snuggled in next to his sleeping form and he rolled over to whisper, "I heard everthing." FML

by ohmygoodness / 03/02/2009 at 4:51pm / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and his family had invited me to go on a Tropical family trip with them. When we got to the airport, security stopped me and opened my carry-on bag. I'd forgotten about the no-liquids rule. They took out a bottle of Massage Oil, Lube, Vagasil and Nair. His whole family saw. FML

by Kammy / 03/01/2009 at 6:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, my mother called to say that my 11 year old nephew found my secret stash of nipple tassles, furry hand cuffs, and a bottle of lube. He doesn't want to visit me anymore. FML

by peneloperigby / 02/03/2009 at 1:51am / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Kids

Today, I was performing the classic 69 position with my girlfriend. I wasn't able to control it : I farted right into her nose. FML

by USSEYL / 11/25/2008 at 11:43pm / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Intimacy

Today, the real estate guy came with potential buyers to visit my house. He opened my bedroom while I was wanking. FML

by rmL / 10/13/2008 at 4:31am / Intimacy