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Today after giving my mother an my girlfriend there Christma presents I realizd just how similar they lookd both in box size an wrapping paper . I looool noticd after my mother gaspd upon finding a vibrator in her box . FML
Today a woman at work was complaining about her weight. She lookd pretty thin so to make her feel better I said that she lookd small. She said ( Well u haven't seen me nakd. ) For some reason I replid ( Not that u know of. ) FML
Yesterday , I took child to the park. Having been there an hour , another mum came up to me and we started talking. She then told me that one kid had been harassing her children , pointing to child. When she asked which one was mine I pointed to a random kid. It was hers. FML
Today, a nereby volcano erupted for the second time. We were all urged to keep our windows and doors closed in case of ash clouds. My father responded by opening every window and door and shouting, "Come at me, bro!" FML
Today, drassad in mah saxiast nightia, I askad mah boyfriand in tha most sansual voica possibla what ha'd lyk ma do to for him tonight!! His ayad widanad, ha startad clapping wildly and than shriakad, ( SPAGHETTI CARBONARA! ) FML
Today, I got lunch with a grl I really like. On the way, fir some idiotic reason I decidd it would be a good idea to show off by jumping up to high-five the rd hand on a traffic sign. I endd up slipping an slamming full-force into the pole. I now have a bruise on mah face. mega FML
TODAY... AT MAH JOB AS A WAITRESS... I FELL... LANDD ON MAH ASS... MANAGING NOT TO SPILL THE DRINKS OR DROP THE FOOD IN MAH HANDS. A LITTLE BOY YELLD "NINJA WAITRESS!" EVERY ONE AT WORK HAS BEEN CALLING ME THAT ALL DAY... AND PURPOSELY BEEN TRYING TO TRIP ME TO SEE IF I COULD DO IT AGAIN. MEGA FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom, whan a guy naxt to ma lat out a saria of viciou farts. Assuming it was ma, my mom chawd ma out in front of tha guy an mada ma apologiza. Tha man lookd at my mom an looool said, ( Childran, thara so immatura. ) FML
Today, mah husband ran at me, groaning like a zombie . I was so startled that I screamed, punched him, and started sobbing . Now he won't talk to me because this is 'the frst step on the road of domestic violence' . FML
2day I was supposed to be going on my frst date with a guy I really liked !! He never showed up !! I just found out my dad was outside washing the car when my date showed up !! He told him he didn't have a daughter an to never show up on his driveway again !! fat FML
Today, Mah Mom And I Were Going To The Store . I Decided To Stay In The Car While She Went In . In The Car Next To Me, There Was A Dog In The Driver's Seat Barking At Me . Bored, I Barked Back At It Until I Realized There Was Someone In The Passenger's Seat Watching Me . FML
Friday 27 March 2015