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Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Today, when I got home, I went into my room to find a Bratz doll and a Ken doll laying naked, on top of each other on my bed. Attached to them was a note that stated, "Please, use your imagination and find other ways besides porn to get excited. The computer keeps getting viruses. Love, Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13067) - you deserved it (35608)
On 11/21/2010 at 6:43pm - intimacy - by sydysyd (woman) - United States (Washington)
Today, the hooker I have been seeing regularly for almost a year texted me to say she thinks we should no longer see each other again. I just got dumped by a hooker. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11666) - you deserved it (38788)
On 11/20/2010 at 8:06pm - intimacy - by pst - South Africa (Western Cape)
Today, I asked my boyfriend in a sexy way "What should we do now, honey?" He answered, "Suck my dick?" I said "I was thinking of something more... romantic." He replied "Suck my dick in the moonlight?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27604) - you deserved it (15698)
On 10/13/2010 at 9:20am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Asturias)
Today, I came home to find my drunken father sitting on our front lawn. He had a blanket, lit candle, and was singing with his eyes closed. He told me he believed he was Buddha from watching the history channel. Meanwhile, cars were driving by our house beeping, and yelling "praise the lord!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16950) - you deserved it (1676)
On 09/19/2010 at 10:13pm - misc - by embaressed (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I was riding in the backseat while my mom was driving. Noticing she was driving way over the speed limit, I opened a police siren app on my iPod to make her slow down. When she realized, she pulled over, kicked me out of the car and made me walk home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10202) - you deserved it (26626)
On 09/19/2010 at 8:07pm - misc - by whitefox123 - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I had to use my driver's license to convince the security guard at a game room that I was a girl. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20989) - you deserved it (3323)
On 09/19/2010 at 7:55pm - health - by keenan (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour, calling me a slut because she found a black lacy thong in my boyfriend's bed. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49670) - you deserved it (5501)
On 07/01/2010 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by slut (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, after going down on my boyfriend, we were cuddling and I went to kiss him. Just before I could reach his lips, he ran his finger over my mouth and whispered, "S-s-s-semen." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22450) - you deserved it (17911)
On 06/29/2010 at 1:34pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my boyfriend and I were messing around. When he slipped his hand down my pants, he scratched my pubic hair and said "scruffy, scruffy, scruffy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (25120) - you deserved it (24003)
On 06/28/2010 at 4:12am - intimacy - by megaladon - United States (California)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me in a really really romantic way. After we called our parents to tell them the news, he turned to me and said, "Hey, I hope you know this doesn't mean you can start getting lazy with your blowjobs." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28731) - you deserved it (16844)
On 06/09/2010 at 9:05am - intimacy - by DFR (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40022) - you deserved it (13121)
On 06/09/2010 at 7:34am - intimacy - by thetalkingvagina (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I realized my boyfriend makes the same noises in bed as he does when he's winning in Call of Duty. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27902) - you deserved it (4306)
On 06/01/2010 at 7:56pm - intimacy - by Amb (woman) - United States
Today, I was expecting a call from my friend. The phone rang and I answered with "WANK!!" as a joke. It wasn't my friend on the phone, it was my boss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6434) - you deserved it (26893)
On 04/25/2010 at 6:00am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)
Today, as my boyfriend was unbuttoning my pants to go down on me, he looked at me and said in his best robot voice, "caution, contents may be stinky." FML
I agree, your life sucks (33107) - you deserved it (15014)
On 04/16/2010 at 12:03am - intimacy - by shmelly - United States
Today, my boyfriend and his friends had a conversation about the power of boobs. He later asked me to make him a sandwich to "prove my love for him." I said "How about I just show you my tits?" Without looking up from the TV, he said, "How about you make me a sandwich?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (10230) - you deserved it (19233)
On 12/10/2009 at 11:19pm - love - by Sheik (woman) - United States (California)
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