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cookiezRCool

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cookiezRCool

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  • Number of visits : 173
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cookiezRCool's favorite FMLs

Today, I was at Basic Training for the Army when I got a package in the mail from my friends back home. You are required to open your packages in front of your drill sergeants and peers at Basic. When I opened it, it was a dildo. FML

#20818422
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60861) - you deserved it (5975)

On 08/03/2013 at 9:01am - misc - by zackeryburch - United States (California)

Today, I got fired from my job as a seafood manager because an entire wedding group came in and started yelling at me, saying the shrimp was horrible and I ruined their wedding. They showed me the leftovers; they never cooked them. They fed raw shrimp at a wedding dinner party. FML

#20796202
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49110) - you deserved it (3487)

On 07/21/2013 at 7:20pm - work - by Gross (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after more than six years of working my ass off, I finally summoned the courage to ask my boss for a raise. She just chuckled, "I'm gonna need you to eat a dick, John." and stared at me unblinking until I awkwardly left. FML

#20790691
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46620) - you deserved it (3803)

On 07/18/2013 at 3:53pm - work - by no new apartment for me (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

#20677338
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44197) - you deserved it (3155)

On 05/21/2013 at 7:42am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I delivered a pizza to a guy so high out of his mind that I had to let myself in and set it down on a table, because he'd forgotten how to walk, and was on the ground sobbing. FML

#20157750
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25716) - you deserved it (1863)

On 11/10/2012 at 4:14pm - misc - by anon - United States (Washington)

Today, I picked up a prostitute. The prostitute was my sister, and I picked her up from jail. FML

#18967800
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55179) - you deserved it (4241)

On 02/01/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML

#7936537
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41637) - you deserved it (2105)

On 02/06/2010 at 1:22pm - misc - by Kelso (woman) - United States

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend with the cliché of the diamond ring in a champagne glass. Apparently there was an off-duty police officer across the room watching me slip the ring into the glass. He thought I was slipping in a date-rape drug and tackled me down before I could propose. FML

#5494730
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49277) - you deserved it (3828)

On 09/26/2009 at 10:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home and found out that my new roommate, who smokes half a pack of cigarettes a day and drinks heavily 5 nights a week, had smashed my $300 bong because "weed is a horrible and deadly drug that will kill you slowly." FML

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

#1976392
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45152) - you deserved it (8833)

On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

#12195
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21010) - you deserved it (26238)

On 02/06/2009 at 6:54pm - misc - by IntimidatorStag (man) - United States (California)



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