About cookiegp : I like to read funny FML's not stupid ones.
Profile completed
You’ve filled out the necessary details. Having done so will be much appreciated.
Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, my little brother gave me a candy bar for my birthday. After I ate the entire thing, he told me it was Ex-Lax and that I needed it because I'm "so full of shit". FML
I agree, your life sucks (40661) - you deserved it (6859)
On 05/17/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by Unlucky Individual - United States (California)
Today, our cat died. My five-year-old tried to flush him down the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (42837) - you deserved it (3859)
On 05/13/2013 at 12:29am - animals - by JamiesMom (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, for the third time this week, a telemarketer called me. Seriously annoyed, I told him in German that I don't speak English, in an attempt to get rid of him. He then started delivering his product pitch in German. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45548) - you deserved it (9790)
On 04/28/2013 at 9:57am - misc - by Anonymous - China (Shanghai)
Today, my son had to help out at the local retirement home for his community service. He got in serious trouble and came whining to me about it after he tried threatening some of the residents into taking part in a Harlem Shake video. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34956) - you deserved it (4781)
On 04/26/2013 at 8:21pm - kids - by Shitty genes, no two ways about it. (man) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28585) - you deserved it (94599)
Today, I walked in on my 12-year-old daughter lying on her bed, repeatedly opening and closing her legs. I asked her what she was doing, and she replied, "Trying to queef. I saw it online." FML
I agree, your life sucks (48395) - you deserved it (5782)
On 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm - kids - by reyoflight (man) - Brazil (Rio de Janeiro)
Today, I awoke to my husband talking to someone on the phone at 2am. I heard him say, "Baby you're making me hard." Immediately, I asked him who he was talking to. His response? "It's Jake, from State Farm." FML
I agree, your life sucks (60758) - you deserved it (5775)
On 03/27/2013 at 7:55pm - intimacy - by anonymous - United States (Hawaii)
Today, my grandson visited me, and asked if I had any pictures of myself from when I was a little girl. I happily looked for a few photos to give him, asking what had piqued his curiosity. He replied that he wanted some for a presentation he's doing on the Middle Ages. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (1757) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
On 03/22/2013 at 9:19pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Lorraine)
Today, I went out and made build-a-bears that looked like my daughter and her new boyfriend. It turns out she had been insisting that I didn't for a good reason; upon sight of his, her boyfriend screamed and fled the house. Turns out he was nearly mauled to death by a bear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11637) - you deserved it (17543)
On 10/08/2012 at 9:51pm - kids - by ScaryBears (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I saw on my 17-year-old daughter's floor her "To-Do" list. What was #1? Jump in front of a moving vehicle, in hopes that Edward Cullen will use his vampire speed to save her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23131) - you deserved it (2946)
On 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, a police officer came to talk to the kids at my workplace. He asked what they wanted to hear about first. A group of them shouted, "The donuts, tells us about the donuts." Apparently these idiots are the future of my country. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14562) - you deserved it (3060)
On 06/19/2012 at 12:08pm - kids - by Joseph N - United States
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a text message. In retaliation, I started typing a long list of everything I hate about her. Just as I pressed the send button, she text me again saying "Just joking. You know I'd never leave you. Love you babe :)" FML
I agree, your life sucks (32975) - you deserved it (19777)
On 03/04/2012 at 12:02am - love - by Autocorrected (man) - Philippines (Bulacan)
Today, I found out that the double spacing format in an essay refers to the space between each line, not the words. I've been pressing the space bar twice between each word all through high school and halfway through college. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9627) - you deserved it (56897)
On 09/24/2011 at 2:47pm - misc - by essay2 - United States (California)
Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27581) - you deserved it (5864)
On 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm - intimacy - by Hannah - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was changing the oil on my car. I decided to pretend I was delivering a baby as I was removing the oil filter. I got really into it and was screaming things like "I see the head," and when I removed it, I said "Oh, it's a boy!" As I reach for my rag to clean it, I saw my neighbor's boots. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4594) - you deserved it (27482)
On 12/17/2009 at 11:29pm - misc - by nwalsh2009 (man) - United States (Wisconsin)
Friday 24 May 2013
The website: FML t-shirts -
Love - Animals - Money - Kids - Work - Health - Intimacy - Miscellaneous - Members
RSS feeds: 
Follow the FML 
Follow the FML blog 
Follow the FML comments
Go on the road: BlackBerry - Android - iPhone/iPod Touch - Windows Phone 7 - Mobile version
Give stuff to people: FML book - FML t-shirts
FML Everywhere: Français - Italiano - Español - Türk - Pусский - Svenskt - Indonesia
