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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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consousop

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consousop
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2626
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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consousop's favorite FMLs

Today, I started to type up a mass text to tell a decent amount of my friends that I'd just come home to a surprise from my boyfriend. Trying to fix a typo, I accidentally hit send with the text only saying "Guess what?! I just came." FML

#9070560 (245)

I agree, your life sucks (16817) - you deserved it (7204)

On 03/14/2010 at 10:49am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when he finished, seemingly angry. He stood there naked complaining for 15 minutes about how our sex sucked. Then he demanded that I dress him because "it's my fault his clothes were off in the first place". FML

#8980623 (203)

I agree, your life sucks (21876) - you deserved it (3346)

On 03/10/2010 at 8:10pm - intimacy - by cmore - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

#8637301 (168)

I agree, your life sucks (9536) - you deserved it (19971)

On 02/25/2010 at 10:39am - money - by compguy (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I have the flu, food poisoning and I'm on my period. I have enough liquids pouring out of me from various holes to satisfy a sewer. FML

#8045354 (313)

I agree, your life sucks (35697) - you deserved it (2105)

On 02/09/2010 at 7:22am - health - by SickSmick (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML

#8031607 (193)

I agree, your life sucks (14313) - you deserved it (3031)

On 02/08/2010 at 10:33pm - intimacy - by unsatisfied - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was racing some mates to the beach and I decided to take a short-cut by jumping over a low wall. I didn't realise the wall was to stop people falling into the stormwater drain. Which is 3 metres deep. And has razor-sharp oysters growing at the bottom. FML

#7965104 (91)

I agree, your life sucks (11093) - you deserved it (22758)

On 02/07/2010 at 4:19am - misc - by KiwiBlam (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I was in an elevator, and the hot girl who lives in my building and who I have a crush on got in. She was in a wheelchair with a broken leg, I panicked and tried to flirt with her, and I said 'Nice chair.' She replied 'Nice bruise' and punched me in the nuts. FML

#7766878 (224)

I agree, your life sucks (8218) - you deserved it (32045)

On 02/01/2010 at 12:15am - love - by Liam. - Sent from mobile version

Today, my headphones were broken, so I fixed them with super glue. Without thinking, I stuck them in my ear and listened to some music. When it came time to take them out, I couldn't. FML

#7644326 (197)

I agree, your life sucks (5354) - you deserved it (31696)

On 01/28/2010 at 3:25pm - misc - by Lance (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I went to the doctor for horrible stomach pains. He said I had an abnormal amount of stool in me, and that I'd need to flush it out. I called my mom and told her what happened, to which she responded, "I always knew you were full of shit, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that." FML

#7631341 (131)

I agree, your life sucks (23254) - you deserved it (4736)

On 01/28/2010 at 12:01am - misc - by Crap (woman) - United States (California)

Today, me and my girlfriend were riding on my motorcycle. While at a stop light, she started to make these weird noises. Turns out she was having an orgasm. I still can't give her one. FML

#6534520 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (16319) - you deserved it (3755)

On 11/30/2009 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in line in the grocery store with my 3 year old son. He was holding a tub of yogurt that had a cow with sunglasses on on it. He shouted, "Mommy, look at the fat cow with the sunglasses on!" To my horror, the obese woman in front of us turned around. She was wearing sunglasses. FML

#6533285 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (36041) - you deserved it (2054)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:59pm - misc - by annonymous - United States (California)

Today, while flying on American Airlines back from visiting family, a new born puked its breakfast all over my HP mini, knocked my orange juice ino my lap, and than coughed up another layer on top of it all. I couldn't change my pants because of we were about to experience turbulance. FML

#6527445 (160)

I agree, your life sucks (27235) - you deserved it (1736)

On 11/30/2009 at 1:34am - kids - by coloradoman (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I went hiking with my friend. We both had to pee really bad. We went to the edge of a cliff to "relieve ourselves". He peed and it came and hit me in the face, he did it on purpose. So, I decided to get him back and peed at him. The wind changed direction and hit me in the face again. FML

#6517380 (87)

I agree, your life sucks (9942) - you deserved it (27744)

On 11/29/2009 at 5:53pm - misc - by Harry (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was wrapping Christmas presents for various people; 17 to be exact. It wasn't until I placed the last present on top of the stack that I realized I didn't put gift tags on any of them. FML

#6510557 (79)

I agree, your life sucks (7950) - you deserved it (26084)

On 11/29/2009 at 9:18am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was in confession, I was saying my sins and the priest called me a "pain in the ass." FML

#6508177 (68)

I agree, your life sucks (27016) - you deserved it (6823)

On 11/29/2009 at 2:59am - misc - by ? - United States