Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

conman317

Offline (the 11/19/2014 at 12:44am) | Search for a member

conman317

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 162
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

conman317's FML badges

Consolation prize

Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.

Back from a party

An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of conman317's badges

conman317's favorite FMLs

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

#21285821
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35053) - you deserved it (3651)

On 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm - love - by mellielynnemily - United States

Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

#21270314
31 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29953) - you deserved it (6338)

On 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

#21094789
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30280) - you deserved it (16197)

On 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm - misc - by chocochoco - United States (New York)

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

#21083446
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46216) - you deserved it (6778)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

#21011563
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39994) - you deserved it (3360)

On 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm - misc - by awkword (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I have to take time off from work to take part in an intervention because my sister's obsession with the guy from Harry Potter has crossed over into illegality. FML

#21009908
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38479) - you deserved it (3046)

On 12/29/2013 at 11:23pm - misc - by LeaveHimAlone (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I finally password-protected my phone, to protect it from my friends' favorite game: stealing it and sending stupid texts, and hijacking my Facebook. They quickly found a new game. My phone is now locked for 24 hours due to too many attempts to guess the password. FML

#20970108
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40422) - you deserved it (6718)

On 11/25/2013 at 12:06pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, a girl and I were flirting and it was going well. Feeling bold, I asked what she would do if I kissed her. She smiled flirtatiously and said "Why don't you try it and find out?" I went in for a kiss, and she slapped me. FML

#20965644
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55884) - you deserved it (12485)

On 11/21/2013 at 11:10am - misc - by smooth (man) - United States

Today, at work, I had to explain to my co-manager at work what a period was, after he refused to let an employee go change her tampon. Afterwards, he panicked, saying he thought women made that up so they didn't have to have sex, before trying to send her to the hospital and fainting. We're 24. FML

#20944786
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62167) - you deserved it (4052)

On 11/04/2013 at 12:45am - intimacy - by TheTruthofWomen (woman) - United States

Today, dressed in my sexiest nightie, I asked my boyfriend in the most sensual voice possible what he'd like me do to for him tonight. His eyed widened, he started clapping wildly and then shrieked, "SPAGHETTI CARBONARA!" FML

#20142866
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24182) - you deserved it (4301) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 11/01/2012 at 7:48am - love - by Anonymous - France (Picardie)

Today, I walked in to my apartment to see my husband sitting there with his toes painted pink. When I asked him why, he said, "I wanted to feel pretty." This is the man who is about to be the father of my child. FML

Today, an asshat in a Foghorn Leghorn t-shirt let his piece-of-crap mongrel dog do some sort of rain dance on the roof of my car, scratching the paintwork. He was a huge guy, so my backbone left town and I just smiled as if it was cute. FML

#18251877
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20350) - you deserved it (9837)

On 11/14/2011 at 11:51pm - animals - by MY CAR (man) - United States (California)

Today, I came home to my wife crying. She had mixed up our newborn twin girls and couldn't tell which was which. I looked at the girls. Neither could I. FML

#12953032
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52191) - you deserved it (7856)

On 09/07/2010 at 7:48pm - kids - by uselessdad - Singapore

Today, I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and he couldn't keep his hands off me. Nothing to complain about when your boyfriend likes to touch you, right? Except when he keeps smacking your jiggly thighs to watch the ripples and 'tenderize the pork chops'. FML

#6971374
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30763) - you deserved it (7098)

On 12/27/2009 at 9:19am - love - by porkythighs (woman) - Singapore



FML's blog

  • K'Naye's illustrated FML
  • Woohoo it's the weekend! Winter is all around some of us, but not in our hearts. To help fight off the cold and seasonal depression, this week we're taking a look at love and tenderness. It's what keeps…

Friday 21 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: