conman317

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conman317

3Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Monday 15 June 1987 (28 years old)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 728
  • Number of comments : 1
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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conman317's page activity

Visits<b>AwkwardBookworm</b> - the 04/19/2016 at 3:11am<b>Oceanborn</b> - the 04/18/2016 at 11:47pm<b>melisssa87</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 11:20am<b>happypenguins</b> - the 04/05/2016 at 12:38pm<b>KxHoneyCombxP</b> - the 03/19/2016 at 5:36am<b>dragoongirl90</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 11:23pm<b>abear1317</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 8:20am<b>Seashells77</b> - the 01/02/2016 at 1:00pm<b>Rodville</b> - the 05/13/2015 at 11:36am<b>llinanova</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 11:08pm<b>xmalachix</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 5:06pm<b>Benmantha</b> - the 05/12/2015 at 2:11pm<b>OGCxILLUSION</b> - the 05/11/2015 at 11:37pm<b>toma1945</b> - the 03/28/2015 at 4:59pm<b>maggiefox</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 5:29pm<b>BananaSantos</b> - the 02/24/2015 at 5:31pm<b>LethalSeamonkey</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 1:39pm<b>kirbs19</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 10:37am

Fucked!<b>dragoongirl90</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 1:15pm<b>kirbs19</b> - the 02/07/2015 at 1:35am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/12/2015 at 2:47am

conman317's FML badges

Supersize Menu

You wanted you know what the top of the flops of all time was, and now you know.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

I like your style

You've liked someone. How cute!

See all of conman317's badges

conman317's favorite FMLs

Today, at my prestigious sous chef job, I was preparing to plate up expensive entrees for a function of 150 people. After arriving to work 2 hours early to finalize finishing touches, they call the restaurant 5 minutes before their booking stating, 'We can't be bothered anymore, sorry.' FML

by Chefinblack / 10/19/2015 at 6:13pm / Australia / Work

Today, I awoke to the sound of my neighbor's attacking my car with a baseball bat accusing me of calling the cops on them. I did call the cops on them, after they screamed at me last night, drunkenly, to call the cops for them because they thought they were being robbed. FML

by Anonymous / 10/11/2015 at 11:34am / United States (Kentucky) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend decided to suddenly stop in the middle of sex, just as I was actually starting to enjoy myself, just to bear hug me and exclaim, "Crikey, she's angry!" in the voice of Steve Irwin. He laughed so hard at his own joke that he went soft and couldn't continue. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2015 at 5:11am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Intimacy

Today, once again, I explained that yes, I'm Russian. No, I'm not a communist. No, I don't pray to a picture of Putin riding a bear. And no, I don't have any vodka on me. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2015 at 2:59am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

by YouDontSay / 05/10/2015 at 11:35am / Ireland (Dublin) / Intimacy

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/09/2015 at 10:41pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She said, "Can't, bigamy's illegal." I still don't know if she was joking or not, because she keeps changing the subject whenever I mention it. FML

by Anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 1:24pm / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I was getting to second base with a really hot guy, but I couldn't stop laughing when he said my boobs were "soft like cake." He got so embarrassed that he lost his boner. FML

by weirdthingtosay / 11/21/2014 at 4:56am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. The words "Christ, Jeff. It's a vagina, not a burrito. CALM DOWN!" were spoken. FML

by jay-frey96 / 11/02/2014 at 10:36am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, at my apartment complex, I was carrying a bag of trash up to the dumpster. A guy stopped his car and helped me carry it the rest of the way. I thanked him and he asked me out. I explained that I was married. He grabbed the trash bag and carried it back to my apartment. FML

by mellielynnemily / 10/26/2014 at 6:46pm / United States / Love

Today, I told my mom that once I leave school, I want to join the clergy, and how much it meant to me. Her response: "Never knew you wanted to molest kids so much!" FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 9:41pm / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met a cute guy, and everything went great. After a while, he asked me for my number and I gave it to him. Now he won't stop texting me, asking for pictures of my toes. FML

Today, my drunken self became a vaguely racist poet. I am now the author of a four-page poem entitled "Chocolate Men". FML

by chocochoco / 03/23/2014 at 11:40pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

by awkword / 12/31/2013 at 12:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love