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comstat35's favorite FMLs
Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML
by Anonymous / 08/25/2011 at 5:17pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Username / 08/23/2011 at 11:55am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML
by worried / 08/16/2011 at 9:20am / United Kingdom (Cheshire) / Love
by creepedoutlady / 08/15/2011 at 8:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by shroooms / 07/28/2011 at 4:37pm / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Health
by Yoda / 07/08/2011 at 1:23am / United States (New York) / Geek
by Cowgirl_Up37 / 07/02/2011 at 4:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by shyshy96679 / 06/20/2011 at 6:42pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into a room, where a guy was violently picking his nose. He kept picking. A very pretty girl walked in after me, and he immediately stopped and sat up straight. Apparently, I'm too ugly to motivate strangers to stop excavating their nasal cavities. FML
by uggo / 03/29/2011 at 1:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/27/2011 at 2:41pm / United States (North Carolina) / Geek
by omg / 03/24/2011 at 8:43pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
Today, I went to a haunted show restaurant. I needed the toilet badly, but they were inside the building, which could only be gotten to via a ghost train. The footage of me peeing myself in terror on the train was played on a big screen inside, in front of a crowd of onlookers. FML
by Anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 10:08am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
by muffdriver / 12/26/2010 at 10:47am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation
Today, while socializing after a church service, I discovered I'm still referred to as "Fireshit's brother", after an incident a year ago which involved my sister screaming "the devil is coming out of my anus!" from the lavatory. FML
by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 1:20am / United States (Alabama) / Work
Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML
by ukfan / 10/06/2010 at 12:01pm / United States / Animals
- Today, my girlfriend asked if her friend Alex from high school could join in with us and we could… Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By… Today, my boss asked to use my phone since the company pays for it. A few hours later the same boss…