comedybreak

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Offline (the 03/19/2016 at 12:33am)

comedybreak

5Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Friday 4 July 1997 (19 years old)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 5554
  • Number of comments : 115
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 47 posted

About comedybreak : #Yolo

comedybreak's page activity

Visits<b>SuperNova849</b> - the 07/17/2016 at 11:01pm<b>NoahK2003</b> - the 07/05/2016 at 7:18am<b>xxdreamloverxx</b> - the 06/18/2016 at 6:48am<b>maxthebigseal</b> - the 06/14/2016 at 3:13am<b>Red_Curls1995</b> - the 06/02/2016 at 3:02am<b>Shamandalie89</b> - the 05/23/2016 at 3:04am<b>BananEnigma</b> - the 05/18/2016 at 11:15am<b>obewonstrangeone</b> - the 05/15/2016 at 11:03am<b>sugerpop2</b> - the 05/11/2016 at 1:45am<b>CougeeSwagg</b> - the 05/07/2016 at 9:52pm<b>Vikton0101</b> - the 04/07/2016 at 10:29pm<b>Dodgejeeptrucks</b> - the 03/14/2016 at 8:02pm<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 3:22am<b>mattzawesome</b> - the 02/23/2016 at 12:08am<b>usbutuk</b> - the 02/22/2016 at 6:58am<b>Farklez</b> - the 02/20/2016 at 6:06pm<b>L0uls</b> - the 02/18/2016 at 5:45pm<b>arrouz</b> - the 02/14/2016 at 2:10pm

Fucked!<b>phoneaddict13</b> - the 02/28/2016 at 9:23am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 11:02am<b>Baka_Me</b> - the 03/24/2015 at 6:19am<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 01/10/2015 at 1:22am<b>RobotUnicorn1209</b> - the 12/07/2014 at 2:29pm

comedybreak's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Follow up

You subsequently gave feedback by commenting on an FML that you’d submitted and was published.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of comedybreak's badges

comedybreak's favorite FMLs

Today, my pregnancy test came back positive. My boyfriend is no fan of fatherhood, so it was with some hesitation that I called him and let him know I'm pregnant. He replied, "Like hell you are!" and hung up. He now refuses to answer any of my calls. FML

by Anonymous / 03/14/2013 at 2:41pm / United States (Oregon) / Kids

Today, my brother yelled at me, calling me a "no-good fucking whore", because I couldn't fix his laptop. The same laptop he threw on the floor after screaming "FUCKING HEAL MEEE!" at his game. As ever, my parents took his side, refusing to believe that I can't fix a cracked monitor. FML

by cunts, cunts everywhere / 03/11/2013 at 7:57am / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I went with my dad to Starbucks. There is this really cute guy who works there and he kept looking over at me, so I went over to say hi. He ended up asking if my dad was single. FML

by lonely girl / 03/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States / Love

Today, I woke to find my laptop and printer covered in what smells like pee. My boyfriend then confessed to me that he occasionally "sleep-pees". It's like sleepwalking, but where he urinates on random objects. FML

by marcymoo / 03/11/2013 at 12:09am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

by itsnotyouitsher / 03/09/2013 at 1:16am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I showed my wife an article about how frequent orgasms can prevent prostate cancer, as well as increase both partners' overall health. She replied that she wouldn't judge me if I masturbated, as long as I don't use porn. FML

by marriage/celibacy/synonymity / 03/08/2013 at 6:36pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Intimacy

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

by JimmyT / 03/03/2013 at 5:21pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Work

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, as I was about to open a door at school, a student opened it and hit me. As I recovered and was about to open it again, someone else opened the door, hitting me again. Everyone laughed. FML

by Doors Hate Me / 03/02/2013 at 9:09am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss gave me the task of firing a recently-hired coworker next Friday. This guy spends most of his off-hours working out, probably abusing the fuck out of steroids, and to whom prison is like a bed-and-breakfast. I fear for my life by this point. FML

by cthulhu help me / 03/01/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Arkansas) / Work

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

by sickofthesmelltoo / 02/28/2013 at 5:56am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years decided to tell an unimaginably rude joke to my grandma while at my house. She hit him over the head with a vase, and he's threatening to press charges. I still don't know whose side to take. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 11:13am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was struck down with horrible diarrhea. With barely any toilet paper left, I texted my husband to buy some more and rush home. He replied, "Sorry babe, getting shitfaced with the lads. Get it? 'Shitfaced'. LOL!" and stopped replying to my desperate pleas. FML

by arse of fire :( / 02/22/2013 at 7:31pm / United Kingdom (Slough) / Health

Today, I started at my new job. The woman who I'll be working right next to 40 hours a week introduced herself with, "I know what your name is. I know what you're planning, and I've been sent to destroy you." FML

by ari / 02/18/2013 at 5:15pm / United States / Work