codisimus

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codisimus

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 1843
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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codisimus's FML badges

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codisimus's favorite FMLs

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having it off. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

by Nuttree / 08/01/2010 at 3:02am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I was rubbing my lips against my boyfriend's lips when I said "Your mustache tickles" in a sexy tone. His response was "So does yours." FML

by Username / 07/28/2010 at 7:20am / Intimacy

Today, I went to bed with three hot, half-naked girls beneath me. I was in the bunk above. Alone. FML

by lonelyguy321 / 07/27/2010 at 10:43am / United Kingdom (Birmingham) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking towards a group of guys playing basketball, who stopped and stared at me while saying, "Daaaamn..." As I passed them, one of them said, "She looked hotter from a distance." FML

by Marie / 07/27/2010 at 3:46am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

by spriggs / 07/25/2010 at 5:06am / United States (California) / Health

Today, while getting a lump in my private region examined by a very cute nurse, I got a massive erection. The smartest thing I could think to say at the time to her was: "I haven't been touched there in a very long time." FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2010 at 8:39pm / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. After removing my underwear, he started singing "In the jungle, the mighty jungle..." FML

by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy

Today, while driving through town, I was distracted by a pretty girl walking on the nearby pavement and accidentally rear-ended the car in front of me. Not only did the pretty girl witness the crash and give a statement, it turned out she was a very feminine man. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 6:12am / United Kingdom (Gloucestershire) / Transportation

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

by Anonymous / 07/20/2010 at 12:53am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was helping my friend create an online dating profile. When she got her search results, her #1 match was a blonde guy only 10 miles from her. His description: genuine, laid back, and ready for fun. He left off something kind of important. He's already married. To me. FML

by betrayed / 07/19/2010 at 1:36pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML

by Anonymous / 07/17/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I decided to try and seduce my boyfriend of 2 years. He was on his laptop, and while he was on it I took off my shirt and bra, and gave him a hug from behind. What I didn't know was that he was video chatting his father the whole time. FML

by Anonymous / 07/16/2010 at 12:19am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend hacked my facebook account and set my status to say that I was in love with my boss. Seeing the post, my boss called me into his office, and told me he loved me too... FML

by Camille / 07/13/2010 at 8:02pm / United States (Maine) / Work

Today, I got a speeding ticket. I wrote a check, and on the way to deposit my fine, I got another one. I put both fines in a box down town, and I turned around to see a cop putting a parking ticket under my wind-shield wiper. FML

by Criminal / 07/13/2010 at 7:15pm / United States (South Dakota) / Transportation

Today, I got my sister to pluck my eyebrows. She shaped them wrong, so now I look constantly sad. FML

by OhNo / 07/13/2010 at 11:02am / United Kingdom (Sheffield) / Miscellaneous