Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cmayer

Offline (the 08/13/2014 at 8:39am) | Search for a member

cmayer

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 2231
  • Number of comments : 184
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About cmayer : .

cmayer's page activity

Visits<b>Mahak1099</b> - the 08/24/2014 at 1:29pm<b>Sludge3</b> - the 08/12/2014 at 9:50am<b>DoubleDie7</b> - the 08/11/2014 at 10:22pm<b>sofaqueen_</b> - the 08/10/2014 at 3:52pm<b>FootballGod911</b> - the 07/30/2014 at 1:48am<b>thischick113</b> - the 07/12/2014 at 2:36am<b>TeamTurnUp</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 2:19am<b>Kalipczo</b> - the 06/15/2014 at 11:04pm<b>xDochx</b> - the 06/13/2014 at 1:12am<b>SteakfryOne</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 2:40am<b>tchatfield9413</b> - the 06/08/2014 at 11:09am<b>TheFirstHipster</b> - the 06/07/2014 at 3:46pm<b>Marley_000</b> - the 06/03/2014 at 1:56am<b>MRVOlivia</b> - the 05/11/2014 at 11:25am<b>ebonyirony</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 11:54pm<b>minutepoet</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 8:26am<b>kino22x</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 4:57am<b>angelicdevil</b> - the 05/04/2014 at 3:12am

cmayer's FML badges

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of cmayer's badges

cmayer's favorite FMLs

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

#5541455
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38161) - you deserved it (4781)

On 09/29/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my girlfriend I have only one testicle. Her reaction? "Eeew, balls are gross!" I'm glad to know I'm only half as gross as other guys. FML

#5463165
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21528) - you deserved it (2944)

On 09/25/2009 at 7:13am - intimacy - by lone_ranger (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my soon to be mother-in-law sent me a birthday present. It was a necklace for me to wear at my wedding. The pendant is a well known lesbian symbol. I'm a woman and I'm marrying her son. FML

#5392687
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35976) - you deserved it (2647)

On 09/21/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by whasian (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML

#5201463
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41063) - you deserved it (2342)

On 09/12/2009 at 2:58am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML

#5072943
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42962) - you deserved it (5305)

On 09/06/2009 at 12:19am - misc - by shoelace18 - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML

#4441693
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16769) - you deserved it (36911)

On 08/11/2009 at 1:01am - love - by thanksjerk (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

#3833567
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49478) - you deserved it (4761)

On 07/17/2009 at 3:24pm - love - by Shocked (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML

#3563535
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (124219) - you deserved it (4574)

On 07/07/2009 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by Nicole (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML

#2896238
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49007) - you deserved it (3486)

On 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm - misc - by Anonymous - Japan (Okinawa)

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

#2881104
367 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29307) - you deserved it (53082)

On 06/14/2009 at 8:46am - misc - by locksmack (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

#2733266
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18348) - you deserved it (42458)

On 06/09/2009 at 1:45am - love - by Ryan746 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mother came up to me a swim meet and shouted to me in the bleachers "If you have to go potty, go now because there is a long line!". I'm seventeen. FML

#2262925
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47001) - you deserved it (2759)

On 05/25/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by embarassed (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML

#2139202
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51543) - you deserved it (3745)

On 05/21/2009 at 6:52am - misc - by PublicToiletEspionage (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML

#882663
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50151) - you deserved it (10376)

On 04/09/2009 at 5:16am - misc - by atang (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML

#446324
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (99871) - you deserved it (24755)

On 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm - love - by Syferix (woman) - United States (Illinois)



FML's blog

  • AD_e's Illustrated FML
  • Hi gang ! It's Friday once more and time for us to go on a magical mystery tour around the brain of yet another illustrator. This week, things have happened around the world that were so depressing, I don't…

Monday 18 August 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: