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cmayer's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 09/29/2009 at 12:43am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by lone_ranger / 09/25/2009 at 7:13am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by whasian / 09/21/2009 at 12:32pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my brother thought he would take my key and steal my shoes from my football locker while I was at practice. What he didn't think about was him leaving my locker unlocked for the 3 hours of practice. Someone stole my iPod, my cell phone, my wallet, and all of my clothes. FML
by Anonymous / 09/12/2009 at 2:58am / United States (Oregon) / Kids
Today, my 5 year old swallowed her loose tooth, which she was going put under her pillow for the toothfairy. My wife then told her 'what goes in must come out'. And now everytime she does number 2, she makes me dig for her lost tooth. FML
by shoelace18 / 09/06/2009 at 12:19am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was talking with my friend-turned boyfriend and cutely told him that I could no longer remember all the things that he used to do that bothered me. He told me he could remember every one of mine and listed them all off for me. FML
by thanksjerk / 08/11/2009 at 1:01am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML
by Shocked / 07/17/2009 at 3:24pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I caught my little brother peeping at my friend getting dressed in the bathroom. When I asked him what he was doing he said "I'm just doing what Ray does to you while you're in the bathroom." Ray is my new step dad. FML
by Nicole / 07/07/2009 at 8:36pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
Today, I had a horribly realistic dream where I was being robbed and had to swallow my wedding ring to save it. After waking up, I realized my wedding ring is in fact gone. The doctor assures me that I will have it back in a day or two. FML
by Anonymous / 06/14/2009 at 9:23pm / Japan (Okinawa) / Miscellaneous
by locksmack / 06/14/2009 at 8:46am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Ryan746 / 06/09/2009 at 1:45am / United States (Colorado) / Love
by embarassed / 05/25/2009 at 12:43am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was desperate for a pee so I used some public toilets which were full of obviously underage girls drinking. I didn't think anything of it until halfway through my business when I looked up to see two of them leaning over the top of the stall taking pictures with a mobile phone. FML
by PublicToiletEspionage / 05/21/2009 at 6:52am / United Kingdom (Glasgow City) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was leaving a clothing store when the security guard stopped me and demanded that I surrender the clothing I was "trying to steal" by hiding it under my shirt. It turns out, he was just looking at my pot belly. FML
by atang / 04/09/2009 at 5:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was leaving to go over to a friend's and my parents suddenly ask if I'm gay. I reply that no, I'm bisexual. My mom then asks if I've ever made out with someone of the same sex and I say yes. She turns to my dad and says 'I told you so. You owe me $20'. My parents bet on my sexuality. FML
by Syferix / 03/18/2009 at 6:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Love