Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

cmayer

Search for a member

cmayer
  • Town/Country : New Iberia, United States
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1671
  • Number of comments : 181
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About cmayer : I write, I don't speak.

depressed.
But I have a killer personality.

Anxiety,
fever migraines obsessive
Thoughts.

Broken,
Incomplete,
Jagged,
Racing

thoughts.

Stop. Stop. Stop.
It doesn't stop;
they never stop.

I can't
make it stop.

MAKE IT STOP.

cmayer's last visitors

ireply_wlyricsIwtumnKinseykmombostuckicandothecancanseninaak4m1k4z3

cmayer's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

Keen reader – Level: master ninja

You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of cmayer's badges

cmayer's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I tried taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night, and when he tried to take some, I said, "I'm sorry, I don't share food" to get him back. His response? "I can tell." FML

#20558472
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30973) - you deserved it (8315)

On 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm - love - by fuckyoutoo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went to the airport after saying goodbye to my, for some reason, giggling boyfriend. I learnt why he was so cheerful when I opened my purse in front of the guards, only to find pink-furry handcuffs, and a huge dildo. They pretended not to know what it was. FML

#20556322
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47882) - you deserved it (5869)

On 03/23/2013 at 11:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Norway (Sor-Trondelag)

Today, I asked my bosses for three weeks off in July to go on a much-needed vacation. Their response was to fire me on the spot. My bosses are my aunt and uncle. FML

#20489213
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29646) - you deserved it (3412)

On 02/01/2013 at 5:13pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Romania (Cluj)

Today, my dad forced the whole family to sit through a two-hour lecture, with supporting research, on how the "Mayan prophecy" is actually a load of shit fabricated by conmen. Nice to know he thinks we're all borderline brain-dead, gullible fuckwits who believed it to begin with. Thanks, dad. FML

#20400784
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16227) - you deserved it (3741)

On 12/15/2012 at 1:43pm - misc - by oh gee, you don't say (woman) - United Kingdom (Southampton)

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27517) - you deserved it (3209)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was looking at tattoos and fell in love with a really cool looking one, so I decided to get it. I later showed it to a friend who is a cop. He informed me that it is a gang tattoo. I think I just put a target on my ankle. FML

#20162265
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6542) - you deserved it (24839)

On 11/13/2012 at 8:03pm - misc - by scaredinnyc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend had a tantrum because I didn't like Black Sabbath as much as him. Apparently our entire relationship was based on him thinking I did. I've now been labeled "The Queen of Lies." FML

#20108628
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16900) - you deserved it (2550)

On 10/09/2012 at 1:39am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17539) - you deserved it (1322)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mom got a new puppy and named her Olivia. Which would be fine, if that wasn't the name I had been planning to give my baby, who's due in 3 weeks. Thanks mom. FML

#19983667
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24488) - you deserved it (1966)

On 07/25/2012 at 3:46pm - kids - by madmomma - United States (Oregon)

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "what birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

#19626736
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14380) - you deserved it (24990)

On 05/15/2012 at 10:13am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me, the only thing positive about my day was a pregnancy test. FML

#19608696
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34215) - you deserved it (5868)

On 05/11/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by rawr_fml001 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my parents decided on my punishment for failing an English test. No deodorant for a week. They think they're so hilarious, they told all their friends and now it's all over Facebook. FML

#19555770
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22090) - you deserved it (3343)

On 04/30/2012 at 10:21pm - misc - by sockmonkey (woman) - United States (California)

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

#19362794
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18756) - you deserved it (2109)

On 03/28/2012 at 9:52am - misc - by andromeda80 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to drive my car through a flock of vultures eating road kill. Since a bird hit the mirror and broke it, I now have to pay for a replacement. FML

#19276997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18680) - you deserved it (3083)

On 03/14/2012 at 11:19am - money - by me - United States (Florida)

Today, I'm so broke that when I got out of the shower, I had to slowly dry myself off with a ShamWow sample I received in the mail. FML

#18871908
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24153) - you deserved it (3571)

On 01/21/2012 at 3:38pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: