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cmayer's favorite FMLs
Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML
by Dalistair / 05/23/2013 at 7:25pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I heard my grandma sobbing in her room. After finally convincing her to tell me what was wrong, she confessed to watching a porn video last night. She thinks not being able to sleep afterwards is a sign that God is punishing her, and that she's damned our family to hell. FML
by Anonymous / 05/23/2013 at 1:48pm / Romania (Buzau) / Miscellaneous
by AwkwardHaole808 / 05/22/2013 at 6:52pm / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was in the doctor's office waiting for my husband to arrive, when a little old lady sat beside me. She seemed nice, until she started farting and blaming it on me. They weren't silent; they sounded like trucker farts and smelled like death. I was there for over an hour. FML
by babs / 05/07/2013 at 3:07pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by clumsy / 05/06/2013 at 8:45pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by stretchy / 05/06/2013 at 3:58pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, my manager called me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excited about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
by perfecttiming / 05/06/2013 at 11:25am / United States (California) / Work
by FML136969 / 05/05/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by beyondembarrassed / 05/05/2013 at 1:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, my neighbours' whiny emo of a daughter got dumped by her boyfriend. In her infinite wisdom, she's chosen to cope by playing on her recorder the worst rendition of "My Heart Will Go On" that I've ever heard. It's been going on all day. Now I know why he dumped this idiot. FML
by Anonymous / 05/04/2013 at 5:44pm / United Kingdom (Liverpool) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/03/2013 at 11:00am / United States / Work
by Anonymous / 05/01/2013 at 11:55am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I spent hours playing my guitar and singing in the street, hoping to make some extra cash. About 3 hours in, I realized some punk had been walking around with a hat taking money as if he was with me. FML
by honeynuggetviolin / 04/30/2013 at 8:31pm / Money
by AbhorrentApplication / 04/28/2013 at 7:40pm / United States (Virginia) / Work
by awkward O_o / 04/24/2013 at 5:15pm / United States (Minnesota) / Intimacy
- Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex for the fourth time. We both thought that I was off my… Today, I decided to clean up around the house to surprise my boyfriend. When he came home, he threw… Today, my mom's guilt tripping reached a new level when she told me all she wanted for her birthday…