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100 kick ass comments
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clm123455's favorite FMLs
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I found out that Google+ has been automatically uploading my cell phone pictures as I take them. My friends have now seen pictures of me, my penis, and other things too horrifying to talk about. FML
by brannie / 01/29/2012 at 7:26pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend gave me twelve roses and told me that he would love me until the last one dies. Remembering the Facebook like, I began looking for the fake one but couldn't find it. When I pointed out that all twelve were real and would die within days, he responded, "Exactly." FML
by Shelly P. / 01/28/2012 at 7:10pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by messyvictor / 01/28/2012 at 11:19am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/26/2012 at 6:53am / United States / Miscellaneous
by RequilaRainbow / 01/26/2012 at 2:34am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was greeting customers at work. After saying good morning to one man, he stopped and looked at me from head to toe before smirking and saying, "Mmmm." He then turned around and said, "It's starting." It's only my first day. FML
by Anonymous / 01/25/2012 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by JellitonOctopus / 01/24/2012 at 11:51pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by SpongeAbii2 / 01/24/2012 at 6:47am / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous
Today, I watched The Omen with my father. Halfway through driving me back home, he stopped the car and made me get out right there in a rough part of town. Fifteen minutes later, he drove up beside me, laughed hysterically at how terrified I was, and told me to get in. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2012 at 7:55pm / United States (New York) / Transportation
Today, I got really bored so I posted on Facebook "Someone should kidnap me for the day." My mom commented, "The only things willing to kidnap you are aliens, and that would be because they'd mistaken you for a cow." 16 people liked her comment. FML
by LonerCow / 01/20/2012 at 10:15am / United States / Miscellaneous
by BadassRumbleroar / 01/19/2012 at 10:46pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, while over at a friend's house, I saw a framed picture of a young African boy on her fridge. I asked, "Oh, is this one of those kids you adopt from third world countries? My grandma does that too." She responded, "What do you mean? That's my cousin." FML
by WillaminaL / 01/19/2012 at 10:33pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids
by tiptoesjohnson / 01/19/2012 at 6:26pm / Miscellaneous
- Today, while on student exchange in Germany, I was making myself a cup of coffee. When I rummaged… Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds… Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looks at my clock and says "I…