About clarissaaa : Be happy stress less and enjoy the little things in life!
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clarissaaa's favorite FMLs
Today, I had a nightmare in which I was haunted by the ghost of my foreskin. I then spent the whole day moping around, wondering what my life would've been like if my parents hadn't opted to slice it off. Will I see you in heaven, long-lost ghostly foreskin? FML
by MissYouPieceOfSkin / 11/27/2013 at 3:44am / United States (Washington) / Health
Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML
by B_and_W / 11/21/2013 at 6:35am / France / Kids
Today, my 14-year-old daughter convinced my son that when he was born, he was actually born as a girl, but we wanted a boy so bad we had his gender changed. Now he wants to change back to a girl because now he doesn't feel right as a boy. Last year, she got her other brother to cross dress. FML
by mydaughterisdisturbed / 08/11/2013 at 8:58pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
by benjo / 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 08/01/2013 at 6:29pm / Mexico (Distrito Federal) / Health
Today, while leaving McDonald's, I threw a fry out the window to a flock of seagulls. I watched in the rear-view mirror as it landed in the opposite lane and about 60 winged rats descended upon the street, causing a truck to veer off the road and crash. FML
by John / 07/09/2013 at 10:48pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/06/2013 at 8:06am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Saradee / 12/23/2012 at 11:55pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Money-money-money / 12/13/2012 at 9:25pm / France / Money
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
by Anonymous / 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm / Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj) / Intimacy
Today, I was walking home when I saw an elderly woman struggling with a large bag of garbage. I asked if I could help. I got it all the way to the dumpster and the bag ripped. Inside were about fourteen dead cats. FML
by AdamwithanA / 10/10/2012 at 11:36pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I found out why my cat hasn't been coming home for regular meals. Apparently, my elderly next door neighbour has forgotten that her cat is dead and puts food out for it every morning. My cat is exploiting her by impersonating her dead cat to get better food. My cat is an asshole. FML
by assholecat / 10/10/2012 at 4:43am / Australia (Queensland) / Animals
by annoyed / 09/27/2012 at 8:41pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML
by dating a fucking idiot / 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/07/2012 at 1:08am / Canada (Alberta) / Kids
- Today, my boyfriend came onto me in a romantic gesture. We ended up having sex, forgetting that the… Today, my friend spotted for me while I was lifting a barbell. He thought it would be hilarious to… Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited,…