Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
About cjammer : Military wife. Aspiring author. Cynical, sarcastic. Fat. Fat as in, woah, that's a huuuuge bitch, but I'm slowly and steadily working on it (-34lbs in 3 months so far). NIN and Slipknot have a rather coincidental and stalkerish habit of writing about my life...which is just as well, because Trent and Corey are gods. Football, hockey and paintball are the best sports ever to be invented. I'm a hardcore gamer, and none of that WOW shit. Give me a pink XBox controller, and I will tear your ass in any FPS you put in. I'm disgustingly obsessed with the Playboy bunny. I'm on a never-ending mission to rid the world of stereotypes, hatred and ignorance, one person at a time. No, I don't wear contacts. Yes, that is a freckle on my nose. And I'm 99% sure someone hacked my account in the past couple days because I definitely haven't attempted to post 18 FMLs since the last time I was on.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML
Today, at my school, the student council is trying to raise $5000 for Haiti. They are doing so by playing the song from High School Musical in the hallways and cafeteria everyday until they get the money. FML
Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML
Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML
Today, my brother's best friend spent the night and was changing with the door partially open. He's super hot and as I was watching him change, he sneezed. Forgetting he didn't know I was watching him, I said bless you. He called me a freak, slammed the door in my face and told my parents. FML
Friday 31 July 2015