cj18494

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cj18494

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  • Number of visits : 3782
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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cj18494's favorite FMLs

Today, I managed to cut myself on a piece of chocolate. FML

by mary / 02/21/2012 at 10:33am / Australia / Health

Today, someone actually thought it was appropriate to compare my mother's death to the death of their cat. FML

Today, I overheard my fourteen year old daughter talking on the phone. Apparently, as of last night, she and her best friend have their "official licenses in muff diving". FML

by Gavin / 02/20/2012 at 4:19pm / United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire) / Intimacy

Today, I tried to find myself a friend on Craigslist. FML

by shea234 / 02/20/2012 at 11:19am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was speaking to an old friend and I asked her how her mother was. She replied, "She passed away, you came to her funeral last month." FML

by elizabethyeo / 02/20/2012 at 5:01am / Australia (Western Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to my grandpa while he was gardening outside. Suddenly I feel this hard, salty thing fly into my mouth and I spit it out. It turned out to be a beetle. My grandpa takes one look at the beetle and says, "Well, at least that poor bug finally got you to shut up." FML

by vw / 02/20/2012 at 12:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to leave the movie theater early because I couldn't fit in the chairs. I guess I'll see it when it comes out on DVD. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 10:00pm / Canada / Health

Today, I found out that my desk is perfectly placed so that my boss can shoot me with a Nerf gun from his office. FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 9:42pm / United States / Work

Today, while in Walmart, I noticed an old man who had been following me for about five minutes. I politely pulled over with my cart and smiled at him so he could pass. He then said with a creepy smile, "So it's your turn to stare at my butt now?" It's the most attention I've gotten in weeks. FML

by Nicole / 02/19/2012 at 8:14pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I found out that my favorite song since I was a small child is actually about anal sex and delaying an orgasm. FML

by Anonymoosey / 02/19/2012 at 6:47pm / Canada / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend sang "happy birthday" to my vagina. It was my birthday last month and he forgot, but he remembered the date of the first time he went down on me. FML

by me / 02/19/2012 at 6:37am / Australia (Victoria) / Intimacy

Today, I was on the subway head bobbing to my favorite track when the guy across from me gets up, punches me in the face and says, "Don't nod at my wife like that." FML

by Anonymous / 02/19/2012 at 6:17am / United States / Transportation

Today, I felt sorry for the weird chick at work that everybody avoids and decided to initiate a conversation with her. She interrupted me mid-sentence to tell me about her vaginal odor problems, before shoving her hand into my chip packet and inviting herself to dinner at my house. FML

by meet Chloe / 02/19/2012 at 4:15am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I realized that my fiancé only touches me when he wants to have sex. Any other contact is purely accidental. FML

by Anonymous / 02/18/2012 at 7:16am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I was so broke and hungry that I went to Olive Garden and faked being stood up, just so I could eat their breadsticks. FML

by 97 / 02/17/2012 at 4:10pm / United States / Miscellaneous