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cj18494

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cj18494

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cj18494's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my girlfriend of two years that I love her. She replied, "Um, I don't mean to be rude, but can you just shut up?" FML

#19156004
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30607) - you deserved it (3301)

On 02/24/2012 at 7:50pm - love - by music man (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was posing in front of the mirror, when I realized that everyone who looks at me can easily tell which arm I use to masturbate. FML

#19154069
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9396) - you deserved it (32634)

On 02/24/2012 at 2:18pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

#19152897
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24827) - you deserved it (6199)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I had to use antiperspirant deodorant under my breasts. FML

#19152897
238 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24827) - you deserved it (6199)

On 02/24/2012 at 10:05am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I was preparing dinner for my in-laws for the first time. Nervous, I accidentally spilled the pasta into the sink. With nothing else to prepare, I quickly scooped it all back out. No-one would have been any the wiser, if the kitchen sponge hadn't shown up in the middle of the meal. FML

#19147436
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10064) - you deserved it (34670) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/23/2012 at 5:01pm - misc - by Laviolette - France

Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML

#19146778
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14384) - you deserved it (33338)

On 02/23/2012 at 3:25pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got scared by my own leg fat. FML

#19144549
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9137) - you deserved it (28404)

On 02/23/2012 at 6:29am - misc - by wobble... - Australia

Today, my four-year-old daughter called me by her mom's new boyfriend's name. Three different times. FML

#19142654
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31897) - you deserved it (2668)

On 02/22/2012 at 10:49pm - kids - by crzyry (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I finally broke down and told my mom that I'd relapsed with my eating disorder. She told me to quit whining and eat a burger because she didn't want to pay for another therapy session. FML

#19142645
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25121) - you deserved it (10104)

On 02/22/2012 at 10:49pm - health - by SmallTownCutie -

Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML

#19139101
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11743) - you deserved it (37335)

On 02/22/2012 at 2:40pm - misc - by KittenNomNom - United States (Texas)

Today, a first date with a guy went so badly that he actually paid me to never call him again. FML

#19137276
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27432) - you deserved it (4797)

On 02/22/2012 at 4:37am - love - by Lonely Gay (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML

#19136346
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34149) - you deserved it (4989)

On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML

#19135287
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24983) - you deserved it (3210)

On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)

Today, I had to tell my wife that the new "vegan" diet she has put us on is not working with my body. It's not the horrible gas, hot shits, or constant hunger that made me realize this. It was the dream I had about fried chicken that did. FML

#19134075
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22977) - you deserved it (2811)

On 02/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by kohler9790 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said I could only take her virginity while I have a flaccid penis, so I won't hurt her. I get hard from just staring at her covered ass. FML

#19131405
407 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38175) - you deserved it (5628)

On 02/21/2012 at 2:17pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)



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