i love you,
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38522) - you totally deserved it (8700)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my husband woke me up at 3 AM by putting whipped cream on my hand and tickling my nose with a feather. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23323) - you totally deserved it (6466)
On 08/28/2009 at 3:51am - misc - by pistonchamp159 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and proceeded to take random turns. I got lost, was 30 Min Late to work, oh and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6164) - you totally deserved it (54814)
On 04/16/2009 at 2:52pm - work - by TheBRADLeyB (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because apparently I need to "grow up". He is the one who plays excesive Call of Duty and still has Pokemon and Bionicles in his room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46318) - you totally deserved it (12584)
On 04/07/2009 at 5:41pm - love - by phreshrice (man) - United States (Iowa)
Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML
I agree, your life sucks (53643) - you totally deserved it (10124)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:37pm - work - by aviators (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight i noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45280) - you totally deserved it (4901)
On 04/07/2009 at 2:12pm - misc - by saltynutz20 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was in a store using the only bathroom there. After I was done, I realized I couldn't open the door. Panicked it locked me in, I banged on the door, and screamed for help. The security and a whole group of people gathered, only to find that I was pulling the door instead of pushing it. FML
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On 04/07/2009 at 11:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan
Today, I was at work at a local hot dog chain. A child (about 10, who I've seen there before) came in to order food for his Dad. He orders very excitedly, and I told him he'd be a great worker here when he gets older. He said "oh no, my Dad says I'm too smart to work in a place like this." FML
I agree, your life sucks (43341) - you totally deserved it (7758)
On 04/07/2009 at 8:50am - work - by GT716 (man) - United States (New York)
Today, we were at the end of our surfing trip watching a photo montage. A picture popped up of a ugly girl surfing so I shouted out "I didn't know Shrek could surf". The room went very quiet. 'Shrek' was sitting beside me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5554) - you totally deserved it (79816)
On 04/07/2009 at 7:46am - misc - by Brastro (man) - Ireland (Kildare)
Today, I was at a window seat on a bus full of people when I saw a person lying motionless in a gutter. I jumped up, nearly hysterical, screaming for the driver to stop because there was a guy really hurt on the road. An emergency stop and huge commotion ensued. It turned out to be some garbage. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17007) - you totally deserved it (34070)
On 04/07/2009 at 4:47am - misc - by nextstopplz - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I was hungry and decided to nibble on some cheez-its I had in my room. After I had enjoyed some of them, I looked into the box to see how many I had left, where I noticed a lot of little black moving dots. Apparently I wasn't the only one enjoying the crackers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44730) - you totally deserved it (9577)
On 04/05/2009 at 11:19pm - misc - by hungry (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I went to see my gynecologist. She was writing my symptoms up in my chart on her computer. After a little while, I noticed that she had a confused look on her face and was reading something instead. When I took a peek at the computer screen, I saw that she was Googling my symptoms. FML
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On 04/03/2009 at 11:10pm - health - by blehhh (woman) - United States (California)
Today, for april fools day, my entire class decided to prank our religion teacher. During our daily meditation time, while his eyes were closed, we slowly got out of our seats and left the classroom. Two minutes later he opened his eyes, locked us out, and called the dean to give us all detention. FML
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On 04/02/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by aprilfooled (woman) - United States (California)
Today, a joke, my friends plastic wrapped me to my bed while i was sleeping, I had an allergic reaction to the plastic and had to have the girl i like come cut me out and give me my meds. I sleep naked and was unable to put on clothes during this time. She saw me naked, swollen & with hives. FML
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On 04/01/2009 at 10:49pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fools. FML
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On 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm - misc - by lisa321 (woman) - United States (Florida)
