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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I accidentally ran my thumb down the cheese grater while preparing lunch beside my wife. I instantly jerked my hand away from the grater just in time run my forearm across the knife she was using. I now have 20 stitches and 5 staples in my arm, no lunch, and a puking wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40993) - you deserved it (3114)
On 08/26/2009 at 2:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, after not having sex for nearly a year and a half, an opportunity arose. I couldn't get it up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49835) - you deserved it (9259)
On 08/25/2009 at 4:47am - intimacy - by 2yearsofHotSexThenThis (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, I had a double wedding with my sister. My mother, being as encouraging as she always is, told us that statistics say one of our marriages will end in divorce. She then explained she thinks it'll be mine because I'm 'a self-absorbed bitch'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32544) - you deserved it (6428)
On 08/24/2009 at 7:33am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Romania (Constanta)
Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6712) - you deserved it (22871)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:54am - love - by Crossy (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, a friend jokingly asked who in my relationship wears the pants. My girlfriend replied, "I'm not sure, but I've got photos to prove I don't wear the skirt." FML
I agree, your life sucks (6712) - you deserved it (22871)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:54am - love - by Crossy (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my work finally hired someone to replace some leaky pipes at work. I work in the basement by myself, and just as I walk under the newly fixed pipes, I get soaked with water. Apparently it was connected to a toilet. My boss couldn't find a replacement so they made me work covered in piss. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23847) - you deserved it (1363)
On 08/22/2009 at 11:29pm - work - by lifestinks (man) - United States (Nebraska)
Today, I took a cute girl out to an arcade date, and mercilessly dominated her in every game there to the point she refused to talk to me afterwards. Gamer Pride:1 - Getting Laid:0. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7067) - you deserved it (71906)
On 08/20/2009 at 1:45am - love - by razgriz1 (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I was at a local chinese restaurant with two of my friends. We were laughing hysterically when my friend tells me to stop making her laugh because she was going to puke, naturally I kept egging it on. She puked all over the table and I was laughing so hard that I peed my pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7091) - you deserved it (46115)
On 08/20/2009 at 1:30am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)
Today, I decided I need help, so I confessed to my mother that I'm bulimic. After she looked it up online she started screaming at me for "Wasting food that I'm not paying for." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41750) - you deserved it (9251)
On 08/19/2009 at 7:43pm - health - by Rainbow92 (woman) - Bulgaria (Grad Sofiya)
Today, I was told I have bipolar disorder. I'm 31. It took so long to diagnose because my mom always figured I was "just a super bitch half the time." FML
I agree, your life sucks (35127) - you deserved it (3526)
On 08/19/2009 at 12:40pm - health - by crazychick (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I walked in on my husband in our room completely naked. At first I thought he was waiting for me so we could have sex. He hadn't seen me yet, so I started to undress too to surprise him. Then I saw that he had drawn a face on his penis and he was talking to it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (64543) - you deserved it (4526)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I received a text from my girlfriend to break up with me. I was upset. One minute later another text from her said "sorry, wrong person." FML
I agree, your life sucks (55418) - you deserved it (2806)
On 08/18/2009 at 1:06am - misc - by Anonymous - Kazakhstan (Almaty)
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
I agree, your life sucks (50377) - you deserved it (7746)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I was driving on the freeway and there was a dead animal (I think a cat) in the road. The car in front of me decided to merge over. It kicked up part of the dead animal and sent it flying through my open window. I think I got hit in the face with a piece of foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45769) - you deserved it (2702)
On 08/16/2009 at 12:32pm - misc - by travinator121611 (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43324) - you deserved it (7010)
On 08/16/2009 at 3:05am - health - by irony (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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