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Mobility
You are connected to FML via the mobile site or an app. How modern.
Today, I decided to get back into shape. I went for a jog around my neighborhood. The ice cream truck followed me for my whole jog, mocking me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25751) - you deserved it (2850)
On 09/09/2011 at 9:36am - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16299) - you deserved it (29482)
On 08/22/2011 at 3:35pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, already knowing that my girlfriend wanted to be "just friends", I invited her over, hoping to change her mind. She was playfully drawing on me with a pen when I noticed she'd written "Emily's property" on my leg. I said "Aw, I'm yours?" She then drew a for-sale sign on me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31049) - you deserved it (8235)
On 07/20/2011 at 12:38pm - love - by John (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16527) - you deserved it (39254)
On 07/12/2011 at 1:25pm - intimacy - by 44haley44 - United States
Today, I finally went to the bathroom after being constipated for two days. The good news? I lost two pounds. The bad news? The toilet won't flush. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28673) - you deserved it (4016)
On 06/20/2011 at 12:14pm - health - by Me - United States (Florida)
Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML
I agree, your life sucks (68552) - you deserved it (4953)
On 06/18/2011 at 11:34am - misc - by Ben - United States (California)
Today, my friend sent me an online money transfer. After forgetting the password and locking myself out of my account, I had to phone up the bank and have it reset. I was prompted to answer the security question, which was "What, what?" I had to say "In the butt." to get my money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9858) - you deserved it (43836)
On 06/14/2011 at 1:57pm - money - by notinthebutt (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I got pulled over for going about 88mph. When the cop asked why I was speeding, I replied, "I was trying to go back in time". He didn't like that answer and gave me a ticket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9038) - you deserved it (47653)
On 05/19/2011 at 1:30am - work - by 613tanner -
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23159) - you deserved it (4039)
On 05/13/2011 at 12:23pm - animals - by crazycat - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, in the early hours of the morning, my cat started scratching at my legs. I got out of bed and he raced me to the stairs, tripping me. I fell all the way down and landed in cat poop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23159) - you deserved it (4039)
On 05/13/2011 at 12:23pm - animals - by crazycat - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10022) - you deserved it (254535)
On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30583) - you deserved it (271123)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (139705) - you deserved it (32561)
On 05/17/2009 at 8:33am - intimacy - by wtfdreams (man) - United States (California)
Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML
I agree, your life sucks (189166) - you deserved it (21116)
On 03/22/2009 at 6:38am - intimacy - by konens_dick (man) - United States (Washington)
Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (42602) - you deserved it (485463)
On 03/21/2009 at 12:46am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Monday 20 May 2013
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