About christyxbee : Engaged. Likes cats. Hates spiders. Loves butterflies. Misses her brother dearly in heaven.
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Today, I woke up to a really cold feeling down below. I opened my eyes and saw my girlfriend grinning like a maniac and holding my crotch-sausage between two scissor blades. I screamed in terror like a little bitch, and she says I'm never gonna live this down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33522) - you deserved it (2675)
On 04/21/2012 at 1:38pm - intimacy - by Hakimstah (man) - Lebanon
Today, I found myself humming a Skrillex ditty all day. I'm beginning to wonder if I've had some sort of stroke. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9411) - you deserved it (3287)
On 04/19/2012 at 8:12pm - misc - by WTF? (man) - United States
Today, I bought my first iPhone. Today, I broke my first iPhone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15159) - you deserved it (14383)
Today, my daughter told me that when she dies, she'd like her ashes spread on her laptop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16394) - you deserved it (2075)
On 04/15/2012 at 11:10pm - kids - by sigh (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28317) - you deserved it (1879)
On 04/10/2012 at 1:47pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I got mugged at Disney World, the happiest place on Earth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28033) - you deserved it (2263)
On 04/09/2012 at 1:15am - money - by Anonymous - United States
Today, during an Easter egg hunt, I found divorce papers. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28316) - you deserved it (1691)
On 04/08/2012 at 5:16am - love - by claudio117 - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, my ex-husband officially became my step dad. FML
I agree, your life sucks (73955) - you deserved it (3028)
Today, I woke up super glued to the toilet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20151) - you deserved it (7073)
On 04/06/2012 at 10:26pm - misc - by Tanner - United States (Oregon)
Today, I realised that I only get dandruff when I'm stressed about having dandruff. Which is whenever I have dandruff. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13103) - you deserved it (2591)
On 04/03/2012 at 10:16am - health - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12777) - you deserved it (21328)
On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12777) - you deserved it (21328)
On 04/01/2012 at 10:03am - love - by Jeff make - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I got into my car and it wouldn't start. I noticed I had left the lights on and assumed the battery was dead. Then, I couldn't get my key out of the ignition. So, I called AAA only to have the guy put my car in park and start the engine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4726) - you deserved it (20453)
On 04/01/2012 at 2:44am - misc - by oooooopss - United States (Oregon)
Today, I found out that sex in the woods is amazing. I also found that the roar of a nearby bear will end the amazement. Not only was I cock blocked by a bear, I almost shit myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19654) - you deserved it (4384)
On 03/21/2012 at 11:21pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was humming the Star Wars theme song while on the bus. When my stop came I walked down the aisle only to hear a girl mutter, "The virginity is strong in this one." She's right. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17305) - you deserved it (16226)
On 03/10/2012 at 1:50am - misc - by starboy - United States (California)
Monday 20 May 2013
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