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chrissymari's favorite FMLs
by seriously / 05/24/2013 at 3:04am / United States / Animals
Today, the weather was beautiful, so I decided to go out skating. I guess I took a wrong turn into a bad neighborhood, because I ended up being chased several blocks by a group of jacked-up thugs wielding baseball bats and taunting, "Skate or die, homie!" FML
by Anonymous / 05/19/2013 at 4:33pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time. I was really excited to introduce her to my parents, until we found my mother waving around a wooden sword, and my father trying to shove my sister into the dryer. FML
by Mr_poole / 05/18/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (Colorado) / Love
by GaveAnInchTakeAMile / 05/11/2013 at 5:52am / United States / Miscellaneous
by tdrtnlz / 05/11/2013 at 2:25am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
by Screwed Up / 05/09/2013 at 1:30am / United States / Health
Today, I caught my 14-year-old daughter stealing alcohol from me. After berating her for half-an-hour I finally said, "At least you're not doing drugs." She gave me a guilty smile and sheepishly said, "At least I'm not a prostitute?" FML
Today, at work at a farm, we got a new calf. It looked like it had to poop, but was having difficulty. About four hours later it still hadn't pooped. Turns out it was born without an actual butthole. It was there, just sealed up by skin. I literally had to cut this poor calf a new butthole. FML
by halliemarie1818 / 04/23/2013 at 10:01pm / United States / Animals
by iLynz / 04/23/2013 at 2:34am / United States / Intimacy
by Anon / 04/22/2013 at 3:19am / Singapore / Miscellaneous
Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML
by a little less poor at least / 04/21/2013 at 12:03pm / United States (Tennessee) / Money
by Anonymous / 04/20/2013 at 12:34pm / Thailand / Kids
by How strange / 04/20/2013 at 8:02am / United States / Love
by reyoflight / 04/19/2013 at 6:04pm / Brazil (Rio de Janeiro) / Kids
Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my "best friend" while I was away on vacation. She is now writing on her blog about how heartbreaking the whole situation is for her, and how she's "stuck in the middle of all this." FML
by sherrylynn / 04/19/2013 at 5:50pm / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…