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About chrisbreastr0kr : My name is because I am a swimmer and train 5 hours a day, not because I am a pervert. I enjoy airsofting with my friends, and I am a music major.
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Today, mah husband and I announced our upcoming divorce . My friends told me how sorry they were and that their available firhatever I need . His friends told him to just call the girl from last weekend and get himself laid again . FML
Today, I found an invisible ink pen. I drew on mah arms, thinking nobody would see it. I had an allergic reaction to the ink, an I now have three very large, very visible, red penises on mah forearm. FML
MY BEST FRIEND WAS THROWING ME MAH BACHELORETTE PARTLY . A COP CUMMED BY AND SAID THERE HAVE BEEN COMPLAINTS ABOUT THE NOISE . THINKING HE WAS THE STRIPPER WE ORDERED, WE PULLED HIM INTO THE HOUSE . HE WAS AN ACTUAL COP . MEGA FML
Today, I was working at a daycare. There was a 6-year-old boy pretending to be mah doctor, holding a little, plastic thermometer. He then, without warning, quickly shovd it deep into mah ear. The last thing I heard was his giggle. I think I'm deaf. FML
Today, I finally had the best sex I've ever had with this really hot guy I've been hanging out with lately. I thought everything was all well an good until he turned to me an said, "You know, yur orgasm face kinda reminds me of Steve Martin, but in a good way." big fat FML
TODAY , 4 MY BRTHDAY , THE ONLY "GIFT" MY PARENTS GAVE ME WAS THE GIFT OF CHOICE: I GOT TO CHOOSEHICH ONE OF THEM I'LL BE LIVING WITH AFTER THERE UPCOMING DIVORCE. THIS WAS THE FRST TIME I'D HERED ANYTHING ABOUT A DIVORCE. FML
TODAY, I CAME HOME IN TERES OVER FINDING OUT MY BOYFRIEND HAS BEEN CHEATING ON ME. I TOLD MY SEEMINGLY SYMPATHETIC DAD EVERYTHING. HIS ADVICE WAS TO LURE THEM BOTH TO OUR HOUSE WITH THE PROMISE OF A THREE-WAY, AFTERHICH HE'D "KILL THE SHIT" OUT OF THEM. REAL MATURE, DAD. FML
Today, during a sex d lesson, we were given a lecture on pregnancy an abortion from the school nurse!! Throughout the session she kept repeating, ( Of course, Sophie knows ALL about this!! ) The nurse happens to know that mah dad's a gynaecologist!! That's not wat everyone else in the year thinks!! fat FML
Today, I broke up with mah boyfriend of seven yeres . He stared at me, then said "Yeah, okay then . I'm gonna watch TV now." He then turned on the TV and watched Top Gun . Not quite the response I was hoping for . FML
Friday 27 March 2015