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Today, my family flew out to surprise my grandma for her 70th birthday. When we arrived, she and my grandpa were both sitting on the couch, high, smoking a joint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44125) - you deserved it (9430)
On 05/08/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I walked into the living room to find my 11-year-old daughter about to kiss her "not my boyfriend" on the lips. When I asked what she thought she was doing, she peeled a piece of scotch tape off her lips and said, "It's okay! We're using protection." FML
I agree, your life sucks (57968) - you deserved it (8182)
On 05/04/2013 at 8:51am - kids - by wtfmama (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML
I agree, your life sucks (53769) - you deserved it (7633)
On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20850) - you deserved it (1980)
On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I realized I was getting a bit chubbier than usual. I decided to go for a little jog to stay in shape. Little did I know, my neighbors that just moved in brought along with them, a fully grown German Shepherd. Not tamed. My "jog" quickly turned into a "sprint for my life". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18693) - you deserved it (1774)
On 05/09/2012 at 11:34pm - misc - by I Don't Exorcise - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I heard the ice cream truck. Being the idiot that I am, I ran down the steps and almost immediately fell down them. I needed four stitches. I didn't even get my ice cream. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13498) - you deserved it (6065)
On 05/08/2012 at 9:59pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I finally made the last payment on the beautiful engagement ring I bought and proposed with - two years ago. To my ex-girlfriend, who said no and promptly started sleeping with one of my friends. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26639) - you deserved it (1947)
On 01/29/2012 at 4:55am - love - by brokeandsingle - United Kingdom (York)
Today, while I was waiting in line at McDonalds, I found out I can sneeze, pee, and poop all at the same time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (5589)
On 10/08/2011 at 12:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, my friends sat me down and said they were concerned I was self-harming. I don't self-harm, I'm just a massive klutz. They don't believe me, and want me to get professional help. And now, because I found it all so funny, they think I'm mentally unhinged. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23620) - you deserved it (3813)
On 03/30/2011 at 1:28pm - misc - by Alisha (woman) - United Kingdom (Stirling)
Today, I was taking a nap. Apparently, my two year old daughter decided to crawl on top of the covers on my bed because she was scared since there was a thunder storm. I thought she was one of our cats so I kicked her off. She hit the wall. FML
I agree, your life sucks (65916) - you deserved it (163240)
On 06/02/2009 at 2:03pm - animals - by fmlfmlfml (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my family was preparing a turkey for my grandma's birthday dinner when my aunt noticed a utensil on the counter and asked what it was for. My mom said it was used to keep the turkey's legs together. My aunt responded to her by saying, "Maybe you should get one for your daughter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (84841) - you deserved it (16570)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:57pm - intimacy - by Familyskank (woman) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my boyfriend decided to take me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club pointing to the woman. It was his mother. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20300) - you deserved it (51104)
On 04/20/2009 at 3:59am - misc - by SuperBunny (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I asked my boyfriend while he was eating potato chips if he wanted to eat me. He looked at the potato chips, he looked at me and said "Unless your vagina turns into a potato chip, I'd rather eat these." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34337) - you deserved it (79636)
On 03/18/2009 at 1:22am - intimacy - by myennechee (woman) - Germany (Hamburg)
Friday 24 May 2013
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