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Today, I was at the pool, casually flirting with one of the lifeguards. He said that he would gladly give me CPR, in the event that I needed it. I laughed and thanked him, stating that it was a sweet idea, even though I wouldn't be needing assistance. I then choked on my bottled water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10512) - you deserved it (36200)
On 08/11/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The cop was hot so I flirted with him as much as I could. But when he came back to the car he still gave me a ticket. Feeling desperate I said, "I thought you didn't give tickets to pretty girls." His response: "We don't." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18740) - you deserved it (1720)
On 07/31/2009 at 9:51am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)
Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (61124) - you deserved it (3615)
On 07/23/2009 at 12:26am - misc - by Rory (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29361) - you deserved it (19191)
On 07/20/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by whyme_ss - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went on a rollercoaster for the first time. I sat in the back, which was a bad idea. When it ended everyone in front of me turned around and stared. When I asked my friend what was going on, she said I had been screaming the Lord's Prayer the whole time. I hadn't even noticed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29361) - you deserved it (19191)
On 07/20/2009 at 4:05pm - misc - by whyme_ss - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I went with my sister to get our eyebrows waxed. I didn't think my eyebrows were that bad--and they weren't! When the guy waxed my eyebrows, he gestured my lips and said, "Moustache, too?" Mortified, I said, "No!" to which he replied, "Aw, someone no get kissy tonight." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34474) - you deserved it (6917)
On 07/11/2009 at 1:58am - misc - by RR (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I watched my best friend get married to the guy I have been in love with since the 8th grade. I was the maid of honor, and had to give a toast to the couple. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57166) - you deserved it (13718)
On 07/03/2009 at 9:45pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, at the airport, my mom began talking about how useless the war in Iraq was, and how dumb the soldiers that serve there were for enlisting during the war. The soldier at the vending machine near us caught my eye. I mouthed, "Sorry" and he mouthed, slowly, "You fuckin' better be." FML
I agree, your life sucks (73734) - you deserved it (15152)
On 06/26/2009 at 3:57am - misc - by ILuvYouSoldiers (man) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I was walking by a bunch of pretty girls. I'm not the most attractive boy, so I walked by nervously. I heard one yell "Hey cutie!" I turned to look, and they started laughing. She said "Oh my god, sorry! I assumed you were cute from your butt!" Apparently, my ass is nicer than my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (50689) - you deserved it (2065)
On 06/14/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by bitches. (man) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I went to Cheese Cake Factory for dinner. There was this hot waiter who kept passing by. He saw me looking at him and I knew I had to say something. So when he approached my table I asked, "Excuse me, do you have any salt ?" and he said, "I think it's right there on the table." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5641) - you deserved it (47342)
On 05/30/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by getmoneyab (woman) - Mexico (Baja California)
Today, I was getting ready for my first date with a boy I really like when my dad insisted on meeting him. My dad is super protective and a cop. He cleaned his gun in front of my date and made it clear he had to be careful with me. My date started to cry when we got to the car. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57431) - you deserved it (4409)
On 05/28/2009 at 4:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my girlfriend who lives in China contacted me and told me she'd been harassed by a guy and was thinking about pressing charges. The guy is someone I know from college - he promised me he would say "hi" to her for me while he was in Shanghai. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44301) - you deserved it (3555)
On 05/27/2009 at 12:18pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17819) - you deserved it (192878)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, at a concert, I noticed a cute keytarist in one of the bands. After they got off stage, I asked their bass player if she was single. He replied, "actually, she's married," holding up his left hand, he continued, "to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17658) - you deserved it (32084)
On 04/22/2009 at 2:44am - misc - by fastfingers409 - United States (California)
Today, I got a 31% on a Chinese test at school. I moved here to New Jersey from China two months ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (49490) - you deserved it (15776)
On 02/28/2009 at 3:57pm - misc - by Noname - United States (New Jersey)
Friday 24 May 2013
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