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Today, I had a science test. A question asked, "What is the first stage of photosynthesis?" I didn't know, so just trying to be light-hearted, I wrote, "The plant must first believe in itself." My teacher didn't think it was funny, and gave me detention for insulting her intelligence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18389) - you deserved it (10527)
On 09/22/2011 at 12:17pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my child-hating friend who vowed never to have any no matter what, announced that she's pregnant. I've had three IVF cycles, spent $90k in fertility treatments, and still can't conceive. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39895) - you deserved it (3738)
On 09/02/2011 at 6:02pm - kids - by anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25345) - you deserved it (4080)
On 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my eight year old son came to me and said he thinks it's time he started wearing bras. It turns out his older brother has been mind-fucking him for the past several months and has him convinced it's something all boys his age do. I can't convince him otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28537) - you deserved it (2520)
On 08/06/2011 at 7:37pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)
Today, I came to terms with the fact that my boss owns my soul for the bare minimum wage, and has me so whipped that he probably will for the rest of eternity, or until his ancient, withered, necromantic ass dies. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9252) - you deserved it (18238)
On 08/04/2011 at 2:47pm - work - by Username - United States
Today, my dad confessed that the only reason I'm alive today is because he couldn't afford to pay for an abortion. He couldn't afford it because he'd splashed out on brand new furniture at IKEA shortly before discovering my mom was pregnant. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29712) - you deserved it (2201)
On 08/01/2011 at 5:20pm - misc - by Savannah - United States (Alaska)
Today, I was browsing the web when I checked the search history. Turns out my son has been searching for "nude grills" and "hot grills." Not only is my 12-year-old son attempting to find porn on the internet, he also can't spell. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30918) - you deserved it (5003)
On 07/27/2011 at 10:02pm - intimacy - by Nickname (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I had to bail my dad out of jail, for beating up my boyfriend, for sleeping with my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (105414) - you deserved it (5808)
On 07/13/2011 at 2:32am - intimacy - by whyme102008 - United States (Texas)
Today, I took my mom to Victoria's Secret to help her find a bra. She made me try one on to see if it looked good on me. Turns out we have the same cup size. I'm a guy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17150) - you deserved it (43085)
On 07/12/2011 at 12:45pm - misc - by sm702 - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went camping with my girlfriend and best friend. They are now having blood-curdling sex in our tent. My friend is also my ride home. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46953) - you deserved it (5176)
On 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm - intimacy - by Username - United States (Texas)
Today, my five year old daughter came up to me and told me she wanted to be a nun. When I asked why, she replied, "So I won't get my heart broken by a boy." FML
I agree, your life sucks (30711) - you deserved it (5519)
On 06/11/2011 at 7:12am - kids - by julia - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, it was the last day of school. My students shared what they thought of me. Expecting to hear wonderful things, all of their complaints can be summed up in a few words: I'm a liar, a killer of dreams, I need to grow up, and I was a big disappointment to them. I'm a first-year teacher. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24197) - you deserved it (9901)
On 05/30/2011 at 9:59pm - work - by sashimieater - United States (Mississippi)
Today, I was working at a retirement center, when an old woman came to me and asked if I would like her old clothes. I politely said, "I'm sorry, but I'm a guy." She then said, "You could have just said no, instead of rudely lying to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28712) - you deserved it (3100)
On 05/28/2011 at 12:09am - misc - by Imaman - United States (Virginia)
Today, after fifth block, I decided to go for a little walk. Apparently so did my boyfriend and best friend. I found them together under the stairs with her head in his crotch. She said she was looking for her contacts. His pants were pulled down. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46627) - you deserved it (3176)
On 05/18/2011 at 12:03pm - intimacy - by levi69 (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15317) - you deserved it (37602)
On 05/12/2011 at 7:09am - love - by Username -
Friday 24 May 2013
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