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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today , I was checking out a gorgeou woman in spandex with beautiful flowing long black hair on the treadmill at the gym. I spent a few minute just watching her body move and ripple under the material. She turned off the treadmill and got off , only 4 me to find out that it was a guy. FML
Today , I was on a long-haul plane journey home from mah holiday. After 5 hours , I decidd to stretch mah armshilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching , running down the aisle as mah arm stretchd out. I accidentally clothes-lind a looool little 9 year old girl. FML
Today, mah boyfriend and I were play wrestling. I had pinned him down and was sitting on his chest when he suddenly squeezed mah stomach, causing me to rip the loudest fart ever. He looked so shocked that I couldn't help but laugh. I laughed so hard that I accidentally peed on him as well. FML
Today, I was in line at te grocery store wit ma 3-year-old son!! He was olding a tub of yogurt tat ad on it a cow wereing sunglasses!! He souted, "Mommy, look at te fat cow wit te sunglasse on!" To ma orror, te obese woman in front of us turned around!! Se was wereing sunglasses!! FML
TODAY WE REARRANGED THE BEDROOM AND MAH BOYFRIEND AND I SWITCHED SIDES OF THE BED. WHEN THE ALARM WENT OFF HE GOT CONFUSED AS TO WHICH SIDE THE CLOCK WAS ON. INSTEAD OF HITTING THE SNOOZE BUTTON LYK HE NORMALLY DOES HE HIT ME IN THE FACE. FML
Today, while walking to work, I accidentally dropped mah $400 cell phone on the sidewalk. The screen shattered into a million pieces. A woman passing by looked at the ruined phone and said, "Now that's wat u call a dropped call!" She laughed and kept walking. FML
Today, I totalld my car . I flippd it over on the freeway and broke my collarbone in the process . I was in extreme pain and unable to move . It took the ambulance an hour to get there in rush hour traffic . The song repeating on my iPod was, "Don't Worry, be Happy." FML
TODAY, I WAS ON A PLANE WIT MY GRANDMA . A CUTE GUY SAT DOWN NEXT TO ER . SE ASKED IS AGE . HE TOLD ER E WAS 16 . SE SAID, "O, TAT'S OW OLD MY GRANDDAUGTER ERE IS." SE TEN TURNED TO ME AN SAID LOUDLY, "YOU SOULD SWITC SEATS WIT ME, E'S HOT!" WELL, AT LEAST GRANDMA LOVES ME . FML
TODAY... I WAS AT A LOCAL CINESE RESTAURANT WIT TWO OF MY FRIENDS. WE WERE LAUGING YSTERICALLY WEN MY FRIEND TELLS ME TO STOP MAKING ER LAUG BECAUSE SE WAS GOING TO PUKE... NATURALLY I KEPT EGGING IT ON. SE PUKED ALL OVER TE TABLE AN I WAS LAUGING SO ARD TAT I PEED MY PANTS. FML
Today, I cummed home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read ( Because you can't find a real girl, I made yur current one prettier, Love Mom. ) FML
Friday 27 March 2015