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chestnutp

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chestnutp
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 56
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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chestnutp's last visitors

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chestnutp's FML badges

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of chestnutp's badges

chestnutp's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend drove me back home. My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap. He stroked the gun, looked my boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head. Now my boyfriend refuses to see me for his own safety. FML

#20538482
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33409) - you deserved it (3709)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was giving my guy a blowjob. When he blurted out, "Oh Jesus" I assumed I was doing a good job. I looked up to see the expression on his face and noticed a look of terror. He was staring at my growling cat, two seconds away from clawing his face off. FML

#20514475
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34709) - you deserved it (4991)

On 02/20/2013 at 1:55am - intimacy - by jealouspussy (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the rollercoaster I was on stuck upside down for a few minutes. I shat myself in terror. Then, gravity took effect. FML

#20480979
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36815) - you deserved it (8943)

On 01/27/2013 at 6:10am - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my cat was too overweight to get out of the litter box, so he gave up, and went to sleep. I had to pick him up out of his own waste and clean him up. FML

#20175044
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9510) - you deserved it (20328)

On 11/23/2012 at 10:10am - animals - by Jeanna S. - United States

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

#20107056
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24288) - you deserved it (5064)

On 10/08/2012 at 5:12am - love - by embarrassed (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19945) - you deserved it (4229)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to an orchestra concert. Halfway through the performance I had to fart really bad, so I decided to try and sneak it in while the orchestra was playing a loud exciting part. Just as I let it rip, there was a dramatic pause in the music. Everyone heard. FML

#19917515
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12505) - you deserved it (23729)

On 07/10/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Concert Flatulent - United States (Texas)

Today, I decided to shave my balls. When I was finished, I vacuumed up the mess on the carpet, and then the fragments of hair still on my balls. Very bad idea. FML

#19196549
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7386) - you deserved it (49220) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/01/2012 at 4:23pm - intimacy - by BadIdea - France

Today, after suffering with bad constipation and having to eat special bread to get me to go, I have practically just pooped out a week's worth of food in 15 minutes, and I'm still going. I've passed the ring of fire stage, now I just can't feel my asshole. FML

#19174199
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33506) - you deserved it (5187)

On 02/27/2012 at 10:55am - health - by awhmaaan - United Kingdom

Today, there was no toilet paper left, so I asked my grandmother if I could use her Kleenex tissues. I found out too late that they were Vicks vapor rub tissues. My crotch has been burning for the last half hour. FML

#18080795
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25778) - you deserved it (6547)

On 10/26/2011 at 2:35pm - health - by lanikai610 - United States

Today, my dog got his head stuck in a container, panicked, and shat himself all over the living room. FML

#16895004
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26901) - you deserved it (3534)

On 06/28/2011 at 8:35am - animals - by hadtocleanthemess (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after bringing my dog back inside, he started whining. I thought it was because he wanted his toys, but he was really trying to say, "Help me," as a torpedo of diarrhea exploded out of him, leaving a trail down the hallway. FML

#13342166
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23388) - you deserved it (4186)

On 10/06/2010 at 12:01pm - animals - by ukfan - United States

Today, I caught my dog attempting to shit on the carpet. When I saw him, I screamed. Startled, he ran around the house, continuing to take his shit. Now, I don't have to clean up a nice pile, I get to go on a scavenger hunt and find all of the scattered turds. FML

#8837524
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15654) - you deserved it (8494)

On 03/05/2010 at 12:17am - animals - by Catois (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was playing with my cat and holding her upside down. She started frantically meowing, but I still continued on playing with her. Seconds later, she got explosive diarrhea everywhere, including my hair, face, shirt, and mouth. FML

#6040097
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9553) - you deserved it (74519)

On 10/28/2009 at 2:40pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house for dinner. Her mom gave me some seasoned cauliflower, which I didn't like. Not wanting to dissapoint my girlfriend's mom, I slipped the cauliflower of my plate and gave it to their dog. It turns out cauliflower gives their dog explosive diarrhea. FML

#3502310
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10372) - you deserved it (47726)

On 07/05/2009 at 11:23am - animals - by BigBallah93 - China (Beijing)



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