chessio

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chessio

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 200
  • Number of comments : 4
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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chessio's favorite FMLs

Today, I shot a paintball gun at a bees' nest. The bees flew through my neighbors' windows and, for lack of a better word, slaughtered them. An ambulance was called, and I feel like a total dick. FML

by Anonymous / 04/30/2012 at 5:34pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was worried about my brother because he said that his new medication was making him hallucinate. I told him he should see a doctor right away. He said it was fine and that he had already seen a doctor. I later found out the doctor he was talking about was a hallucination. FML

by PickedOff / 04/27/2012 at 4:22am / United States / Health

Today, I entered a hotdog eating contest. I made it up to two, threw up on the rest of them, and fell over. FML

by Weak Disposition / 04/27/2012 at 12:29am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, I put my ironing board away in the bathroom. After closing the door, I heard a loud noise. The board had opened up while falling over, taking up the width of the room. I can't open the door. FML

by Magicgwen / 04/26/2012 at 4:45pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML

by Aus / 04/26/2012 at 10:43am / United States / Love

Today, as I was crossing an intersection, a car ran a red light and almost hit me. This kind of thing happens a lot in my town so I'm used to almost being run-down, except this time it was a small boy on his father's lap steering. The dad was laughing. FML

by Diffy / 04/26/2012 at 7:49am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss overheard me singing, "I need a shit, I need a shit" on my way to the bathroom. FML

by NoPrivacy / 04/26/2012 at 6:44am / United States / Work

Today, I discovered that my daughter refuses to eat, but not because she's anorexic. Apparently, her health class has learned about the digestive system and now she refuses to "take part in something so gross." FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2012 at 12:36am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids

Today, my parents went out of town and I was home all alone. I put up party decorations such as streamers, balloons and confetti. Then, I drank out of red cups, crushed them up and put them all over the house. I didn't have a party, I just wanted to convince my family that I'm not a loser. FML

by Jaclk / 04/24/2012 at 5:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

by jessica071509 / 04/24/2012 at 1:42am / United States (Arizona) / Animals

Today, I ran over a squirrel. I saw it twitching, so I backed over it to end its suffering. It wasn't a squirrel; it was a kitten. The children it belonged to watched as I ran over their kitten. Twice. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2009 at 8:11pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals