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chatoyant's favorite FMLs
Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to break up with him since he's always busy, and I haven't seen or spoke to him in almost 2 months. I arrived to find out from his landlord that he'd moved out 3 weeks ago, leaving a note saying that we were over. FML
by melikeyturtles / 11/02/2011 at 1:21am / United States / Love
by heatherjo / 11/02/2011 at 12:49am / United States / Love
Today, I went grocery shopping. Being a bartender, I had a huge wad of dollar bills from cash tips. As I was counting them at the register, I looked at the cashier and joked, "You probably think I'm a stripper or something." He looked me up and down and said, "Uh... hell no." FML
by bakedplum / 11/01/2011 at 1:52pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
by poopcoloredeyes / 10/31/2011 at 4:06pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by joser6969 / 10/29/2011 at 10:07am / United States / Work
Today, I drove home on my birthday, and my mom said she'd meet me there. I was a little surprised to get home and find she wasn't there, but even more shocked to see my rabbit run over in my driveway. Turns out he'd gotten loose and my mom had run him over, panicked, and left. FML
by Noname / 10/29/2011 at 7:02am / United States / Animals
by Pimaan / 10/26/2011 at 12:14pm / United States / Money
Today, it was my first day on duty as a rookie cop. Everything was going great, and even the veterans on the force were warming up to me. That is until my mother came into the station carrying a brown bag for my lunch. Written on the bag was, "Lunch for my big boy. I love you, pumpkin." FML
by Anonymous / 10/25/2011 at 2:46pm / United States / Work
by myownperson / 10/25/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I came home from work to my 3 year old daughter sniffing the rug in the living room. When I asked her what she was doing she said "Daddy smell this." So I went, got on my knees and bent down to smell it and she pushed my face in the dog crap smeared in the rug. FML
by me / 10/22/2011 at 10:06pm / United States (Maine) / Kids
by Unemployed / 10/16/2011 at 3:15am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by Anonymous / 10/15/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I saw an unbelievably cute guy. He caught my eye and began to walk towards me. I adjusted myself and flashed him a smile. He came up to me, smiled back, and said "Hi, do you have a minute for gay rights?" FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2011 at 2:58am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I discovered that my Facebook profile picture, of me between my boyfriend and a friend, is… Today, I got an "Enlarge your penis" email for the millionth time. I was about to dismiss it when I… Today, my girlfriend broke up with me and refused to give me back the condoms I'd just bought. Why?…