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Today, I learned that being a twin really isn't that cool. After laughing at my twin brother for getting a speeding ticket he turns to me and says "It's not mine." Confused, I look at the ticket and see my name. He used my license. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28135) - you totally deserved it (2046)
On 10/20/2009 at 3:03pm - misc - by Twinner (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29199) - you totally deserved it (3391)
On 10/20/2009 at 6:56am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29501) - you totally deserved it (4111)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was trying to have sex with my boyfriend, David. I moaned his name and he whispered, "I'm not David." Then, with an Italian accent, he said, "It's-a-me! Mario!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (38524) - you totally deserved it (8700)
On 08/28/2009 at 1:11pm - intimacy - by Michelle (woman) - United States (Maine)
Today, my dad met my boyfriend. The first words out of my dad's mouth were "If my daughter sees your penis, I'll cut it off". FML
I agree, your life sucks (43333) - you totally deserved it (4473)
On 08/27/2009 at 6:40pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I found what I assumed was my laptop, though my mother has the same one. As I opened it, I was greeted by a video of my father waving. He wasn't using his hands. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35711) - you totally deserved it (2603)
On 08/06/2009 at 11:40am - misc - by daddysboy123 (man) - United States (Maine)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38192) - you totally deserved it (6206)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was at my girlfriends house with just me and her. Things began to get heated and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML
I agree, your life sucks (24177) - you totally deserved it (44467)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:28am - intimacy - by unbelievable208 (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I was following my girlfriend up the stairs, I was pretty sure I was going to get lucky. As I was almost up the set of stairs, she lifted her skirt and revealed to me that she wasn't wearing any panties. I fell backwards down the stairs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30077) - you totally deserved it (11734)
On 08/04/2009 at 3:55am - love - by Ouchithurt (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I had my first blow job. My girlfriend thought it would be sexy to "caress" my ball sack. By caress she meant bitch slap from side to side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43053) - you totally deserved it (5662)
On 08/03/2009 at 10:37pm - intimacy - by BeboKhaos (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was running on a soccer field and accidently dropped my gum from my mouth. No one had noticed so I picked it up and started chewing again. It was a different flavor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4050) - you totally deserved it (44619) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 1:56am - misc - by FGum (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I went to a funeral for my coworker's father. While there, my dad's cell phone rang and he left to answer it. I turned to my brother and said, "I can't believe he brought his cell phone!" He whispered, "I can't believe he's got coverage. This is a dead zone!" I laughed loudly. At a funeral. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10843) - you totally deserved it (30119)
On 07/26/2009 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous - France (Nord-Pas-de-Calais)
Today, I was shopping at COSTCO for a romantic evening with my girlfriend, I bought some flowers, dinner and a super pack of condoms, At the register behind me I heard somebody say "Good thing my daughter has a responsible boyfriend." It was my girlfriend's father. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35122) - you totally deserved it (5198)
On 07/23/2009 at 1:23am - love - by costcocondoms (man) - Mexico (Baja California)
Today, I tried to make my mom feel better about me leaving for camp for 2 weeks by saying I wish she would come to. She took me seriously and called the camp and is now a camp counselor there. The only problem is I lied about going to the camp, and I'm really going to my boyfriend's lake house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9894) - you totally deserved it (47414)
On 07/22/2009 at 5:31pm - misc - by grounded4life (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I just found out that my current boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend are rooming together at college. Visits are going to be extremely awkward. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37187) - you totally deserved it (4013)
On 07/18/2009 at 12:21am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
